The Second Time Around
by Caroline
Summary: [AU Rysten] Love is easier the second time you fall.
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: The Second Time Around  
AUTHOR: Caroline  
SPOILERS: None; this is an AU fic

* * *

Kirsten Cohen made her way down the boardwalk, her silver cell phone pressed tight to her ear. "No, I don't want the ceramic shower rings imported from Monaco. I want them imported from _Morocco_. Do you not understand that this model home has to be ready for display in three weeks?" She shook her head at her decorator, who was also her best friend Julie. "No, don't bother. That's not nearly enough time. Just forget about it. I'll talk to you later."

She slapped her phone shut and huffed aloud, throwing a glance out at the ocean beyond the pier, grumbling, "Unbelievable." It was amazing Julie still had a job at The Newport Group. She figured a large part of that was due to the fact that Julie was sleeping with the big boss himself, Kirsten's father Caleb.

Without removing her purse from her shoulder, she opened it up and tossed her phone inside, digging around for her list of things left to do with the model home before it would be open for show. She startled when she felt a hand clamp down hard on her shoulder, gripping her purse strap. "Hey!" she shouted.

Some young, rough-looking kid was grabbing at her purse, tugging it from her shoulder. She grabbed on to one of the straps and tried to hit him with her other hand. "Get away from me! Oh!" She cried out as she was pushed to the ground. She just barely reached her hands out in time to catch herself. The kid tore off with her purse and, had she not been in so much pain (and had she not been wearing pumps), she would've ran after him.

"Hey! HEY!"

She heard another pair of feet running close by on the boardwalk, running past her, and she kept her head down. There were two muggers now? Carefully, she looked up when she heard the second set of footsteps get further away. It was a guy, running after the kid that had taken her purse. She was about to call for help when she saw the second guy take down her mugger -- saw him tackle the kid. She gasped at the sight. This second guy, this complete stranger, was busy wrestling her purse away from the kid, and then forcing the kid onto his stomach.

One of the nearby security guards from one of the Balboa Island shops must have been alerted by a bystander, and he ran over to join the second guy, taking hold of the mugger. The second guy stepped away with her purse in-hand and Kirsten felt her stomach somersault for some reason. Pain radiated from her arm and she sat up, noticing the scrapes she'd acquired from her fall. She grimaced and reached out to lightly touch one, wincing.

"Hey."

Kirsten glanced up, the sun in her eyes and a dark figure looming over her. The dark figure crouched down and she was met with a pair of bottomless blue eyes... kind eyes. "Are you alright?"

It was the second guy -- the one that just about dive-bombed onto her mugger. He held her purse out to her and she took it gingerly, averting her eyes. He was undeniably gorgeous... but young. She admonished herself immediately for the bolt of attraction that hit her. She had Sandy -- what was she doing admiring this young kid? Plus, he probably wasn't much older than her son. "Thank you," she murmured. "I'm okay."

"You look like you hurt your arm." He reached out and grasped her arm; Kirsten again winced in pain, hissing slightly, but allowed the touch. Why was her arm tingling?

"It's... it's just a few bumps and bruises," she stammered, pushing some of her long blonde hair behind her ear. She looked up at him and found herself exhaling a bashful chuckle. What the hell was wrong with her? "I, uh... I didn't expect this kind of stuff happened here. Guess I must be living in a bubble, huh?"

One side of his mouth twitched into a slight smile. "Uh, this kinda stuff just happens everywhere, I think. Nobody's immune to it."

"Thanks for running after him. You've seen this happen before, I take it?"

"Yeah. I'm, uh... I'm from Chino."

"Oh." The judgment seeped through in her tone without her conscious consent -- the influence of her father undoubtedly. She'd been around him too much.

The young man, obviously noting the change in her tone, took his hand off her arm and moved back a bit, as if afraid he'd give her some kind of disease. "Yeah. So, uh... needless to say, I've had experience with this before."

Kirsten couldn't help but wonder if he was the mugger or the hero back in Chino. She admonished herself again -- he was just a nice guy -- and smiled tightly. "Well... thank you again."

"It's no problem. Here." He stood up and offered her his hand.

Kirsten stared at that hand for a moment; the rough skin told her his usual line of work was in manual labor. Tentatively, she took his hand, sucking in her breath as she felt electricity shoot up and down her arm. He pulled her up and she carefully kept her eyes away from his. She'd never felt such a pull around someone before.

"Thank you," she murmured again.

"You're welcome."

His voice was soft... gentle as if he didn't want to scare her. It beckoned her gaze, and she met those bottomless blue eyes again. She heard herself asking, "What's your name?" and damned herself immediately. She reminded herself that her _husband's_ name was Sandy.

The young man smiled, and shook the hand he was still hanging onto. "Ryan. And you?"

"Kirsten."

He nodded slowly, "Kirsten..." repeating the name slowly as if savoring every syllable. And Kirsten's knees went reflexively weak. What the hell was it about this guy?

She smiled, and realized they were still shaking hands. She pulled hers away as if burnt, and putzed with her purse strap.

Ryan just smiled gently in return, waving slightly. "Well... take care, Kirsten."

He walked away before she could properly respond, so she called, "You too!" and added softly, "Ryan."

Kirsten bit her lip softly as she watched him go, and hummed thoughtfully to herself before making her way back down the boardwalk toward her car. Time to head home.

To her husband.

Why did that suddenly sound so weird?

* * *

It had been nearly impossible for Kirsten to get that Ryan guy off her mind the rest of the evening. Especially since, as soon as she arrived home, Sandy was heading out to see a client and Seth was heading up to his room to read his comics. Kirsten had been left with nothing to do and no one to talk to; there had been ample time for thinking.

It had been a miracle she'd gotten much sleep -- never had some random stranger plagued her thoughts like this. She was a zombie all the way in to work the next morning. Even Julie, who was often too far into her own world to notice much else, made mention of it.

"You seem really distracted today, Kirsten, is everything alright?" Julie chose to ask this while they were in a meeting with Kirsten's father about the new architects and the new development.

Kirsten sighed and plastered on a faux smile for her friend. "I'm fine, Julie. Thanks."

"So Kiki," her father broke in, "what do you think?"

"'Bout what, Dad?"

"Were you not listening?"

Julie whacked his arm. "That was why I pointed out that she was distracted, Cal. Haven't you noticed?"

"Kiki, I was telling you about this new architect we're bringing in to help you out with plans for the new development. Now I know what you say about using the younger architects, that they're not very experienced, but... I've been told this guy does some astounding work. That new Balboa shopping center that went up? He designed a lot of it. And he's barely out of school. They say he's some kind of prodigy or something."

"Yeah?" Kirsten distracted herself by focusing on her wedding ring. It felt tight today and she wasn't sure why. "Who is he?"

"His name's Atwood."

Kirsten raised an eyebrow. "That his first name or his last?"

Caleb shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. "Oh, who knows these days? But supposedly he's one of the best." He checked his watch. "Should be here any minute now."

As if on cue, a voice rang out from the doorway to Caleb's office. "Am I late?"

"No! You are right on time. Come in." Caleb waved him inside.

When Kirsten caught sight of who had entered the room, her eyes widened, and she quickly spun around to face the window. Not him, not him, not him... her brain chanted over and over. She twisted her wedding ring nervously on her finger. She heard her father introducing himself, and then Julie.

"And this..." Caleb touched her shoulder and made her turn around, and she met his eyes, "is my daughter, K--"

"Kirsten?" The shock and surprise was evident on his face, but from the look in his eyes, the surprise was a pleasant one.

He reached for her hand and shook it, and once again that electricity enveloped her. She was almost entranced by his eyes. "Ryan."

She caught Julie's interested look between the two of them while her father stared at Ryan quizzically. "You two know each other?"

Ryan's smile was nervous. "Uh, by coincidence. yes. We, um... we bumped into each other on the pier yesterday -- literally -- and had a brief conversation."

"Ah! Well, so you should have no problem working closely together, then?"

Kirsten still had yet to tear her eyes from Ryan's. "Uh... yeah, that'll be fine." Alarms and buzzers and whistles were going off like crazy inside her head, but... what was she to do? If her father wanted them to work closely together, then that was what they would do. It would be strictly professional.

"Ryan, I've taken the liberty of getting an office ready for you so you can work from here," Caleb's voice broke their stare.

Ryan nodded at him. "Thank you sir, that's very kind of you." He shook his hand again.

"Yes. Well. Kirsten? Would you care to show Mr. Atwood to his office?"

"Oh! Uh... sure, Dad, sure." She headed for the door and looked ever-so-briefly over her shoulder to see Julie smirking at her -- the woman had an uncanny knack for reading body language and detecting tension -- before she nodded to Ryan. "Follow me."

Once they were partway down the hall and out of earshot, Kirsten and Ryan smiled at each other, each exhaling nervous chuckles. "So you're the Atwood genius my father couldn't stop talking about, huh?"

Ryan smiled. "Guess so. They, uh... they consider me to be kind of a prodigy."

They stopped at the empty office -- just a few doors down from Kirsten's -- and she turned to him with a smirk. "And... what do i you /i consider yourself to be?" She realized her tone bordered on flirtation, but she had been powerless to stop it. Something about this guy -- this kid -- took away all her senses.

He chuckled nervously and glanced down at his shoes a moment -- he really was very cute -- before he looked up at her again and replied, "Modest."

Her brows flicked upward. "Modest. Huh." She grinned. "I like that."

He looked so much different than he had looked yesterday. He'd looked so young yesterday, in faded jeans and a gray tee shirt. Today, he looked -- well, still young, but -- mature. He wore a very light lavendar button-down shirt and a pair of pressed, pleated khakis. His color choice came as a surprise to Kirsten, but it looked nice on him. He looked very professional. Kirsten reminded herself of the importance of professionalism, and she cleared her throat. "So, um..." She gestured to the door of the empty office. "This is your office. We're having a computer installed this afternoon, and I think my dad mentioned something about a drafting board being delivered for you?"

"Great. That's great. Thank you." He smiled at her and Kirsten felt weak-kneed again. Damn her.

"You're welcome."

For a moment they just stared at one another, the silence slightly awkward though not entirely uncomfortable. Ryan tilted his head after a moment and commented, "I know I look a little young to be an architect, but... I do have all my credentials. I graduated early."

"I believe you," she smiled.

He chuckled. "I just... didn't want you to think that I'm just some punk kid who was going to swoop in and take over your developments."

"No, no, no. We'll work together. Be a team. Don't worry."

"Good."

Unfortunately, _she_ was a little worried.

* * *

TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

TITLE: The Second Time Around

* * *

"So Mom, I was thinking it'd be cool to have a little extra funding to go to Rhode Island to see Summer," Seth commented around a mouthful of food.

Kirsten sighed, her thoughts elsewhere, and she pushed her food around on her plate. "That's what jobs are for, Seth. Extra funding."

"Yeah, but... jobs are kind of overrated, don't you think?"

She rolled her eyes and looked to her husband helplessly, only to find him buried in a case file. "Sandy!"

"Hmm?" He speared another piece of chicken and popped it in his mouth, glancing up slowly.

Kirsten tilted her head at him. "No work at the dinner table!"

"I'm sorry." Immediately, he closed the file and set it on the chair beside him. "I was waiting for the illuminating conversation to begin. Everybody seemed a little lost in their thoughts." He regarded her for a moment. "Everything okay with you? At work and stuff?"

She nodded reflexively... maybe a bit too emphatically. "Things are great at work. Great. We, uh, we actually hired a new architect to start on the new development."

"Oh great! Have you met him yet?"

Kirsten nodded once more, feeling her face growing warm and hoping that she wasn't blushing. "Yes, we've met. He seems like a smart guy. I think he'll be a nice addition. He's young." She wasn't entirely sure why she felt the need to mention that.

"Well, sometimes those younger guys are the best guys for the job. They can keep everything modern, whereas someone like your dad I'm sure wants to go back to the days of those charming, homey dungeons."

Kirsten rolled her eyes and went back to her food, chuckling, "Read your case file again, Sandy."

Sandy laughed and kissed her cheek. Seth once again started up a discussion about his relationship with Summer, and Ryan was forgotten. Temporarily.

* * *

"Good morning, Kirsten!" Julie sang on her way into the office, holding out a cup of coffee to her friend.

Kirsten smiled and took it gratefully, sipping at it and thanking Julie silently for not putting cream or sugar in it. She needed the jolt of black coffee today. "Morning."

Julie wasted no time. "So! How about that new architect guy, huh? He's hot!"

"Julie..." She knew where this was headed and was unfortunately powerless to stop it.

"I saw quite the spark between you two yesterday! What was up with that?"

Kirsten had an urge to deny it -- she opened her mouth to deny it -- but for some reason... she couldn't. Instead, she ducked her head slightly, voice soft. "My dad didn't notice anything, did he?"

Julie, mid-sip of her coffee, spluttered a laugh. "Are you kidding? Your dad's practically in love with the kid. Can't stop talking about what a genius he is." Julie shrugged. "He just graduated a year or two early, what's the big deal about that?"

"Nothing," a voice from the doorway joined in, and Julie and Kirsten both spun to see Ryan leaning against the doorframe.

Julie smiled sheepishly while Kirsten's brows raised in surprise. Julie blinked and tilted her head apologetically. "Sorry about that. I just meant--"

He shook his head and shrugged facially. "No, don't worry about it. I don't really think it's a big deal, either." He flashed Kirsten a smile. "Kirsten."

"Ryan!" She plastered on a smile, heart fluttering without her conscious consent. Maybe she needed to go to the doctor. Something was wrong with her. "Good morning."

"Morning. Here, I uh..." He held out a Starbucks cup to her with a smile. "I made a coffee run on my way in and wasn't sure what you liked, so I got you a latte."

"Wow." Kirsten took the cup from him with an almost shy smile, setting it on her desk while she tucked her hair behind her ear, a nervous habit. "That's... that's very sweet of you, thank you."

Ryan's eyes caught on the cup of black coffee, already sitting on her desk. Then it was his turn to look sheepish. "And, you already have some. Sorry."

"No, no!" Kirsten smiled reassuringly and took a sip of the latte, glimpsing quick at Julie to note that she was watching them avidly, like how one might watch a soap opera. "That's okay, I mean... you can never have enough coffee, right?" She chuckled nervously.

Ryan nodded and gave a fleeting smile. "Right." He looked over at Julie as an awkward silence fell, which he broke by raising his eyebrows and saying, "Well! Okay, I'm going to go to my office and set my stuff down." He headed for the door and waved. "Julie, nice to see you again. Kirsten, come and find me when you're ready to go."

That caught her attention. "Go?"

He stopped in the doorway and turned to her, slipping one hand into the pocket of his pleated dress pants. "Yeah. We have to go look at the land where the new development's going to go, to get ideas." He raised his eyebrows. "Your dad didn't tell you?"

She smiled tightly. "Must've slipped his mind." After tucking more hair behind her ear and realizing she was going to be around this guy all day, she told him, "I'll be ready shortly. Just give me like five minutes."

Ryan nodded his acknowledgement and smiled again before disappearing around the corner.

"Well, well, well..." Julie intoned slowly, and Kirsten was already set to smack her. "I think _somebody's_ got a crush."

Kirsten rolled her eyes and hissed, "I do not have a crush on him. Will you stop it?"

Julie laughed. "Honey, not you. I mean _he's_ got a crush on _you_."

"What?" Kirsten balked. "No. That's not possible."

"Oh come on!" Julie dropped her voice low in case Ryan appeared in the doorway again. "He brings you a latte? That just screams 'I've got it bad for you.' And you can't tell me you haven't noticed how he looks at you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Ugh, Kirsten. You are hopeless."

"Thanks, Julie, I'm fond of you too."

"You can't tell me you're not feeling a spark."

"I'm married."

"So?" Julie raised her eyebrows. "Married women have hormones, too. And you and Sandy have been together for what, like twenty years? Maybe it's time for an upgrade."

Kirsten groaned at her friend's lack of ethics. "You're terrible."

"That's why you love me though, right? Right?" Julie grinned brightly and batted her eyelashes.

Kirsten just rolled her eyes, smirked, grabbed her latte off her desk and went to meet Ryan.

* * *

"So how old are you?" Kirsten heard herself blurting out as soon as they were on the highway. She shut her eyes and instantly damned herself.

Judging by the smile on Ryan's face as he drove, he didn't mind the abrupt question. "Twenty," he replied. "I'll turn twenty-one in a couple of weeks."

"Ahh." She nodded and pursed her lips, looking out the window. When she felt his eyes on her, she turned to look, and smiled as he quickly looked away. She was unable to help the giggle that bubbled up and enjoyed the slow-spreading smile she got from him in return.

He peeked at her in his peripheral vision and teased, "I'm not gonna ask."

Kirsten laughed. "That's sweet of you. But I don't mind. I just turned forty a couple months ago."

"Oh, okay."

She raised an eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest. "That's it?"

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Why?"

"Well usually when I mention that I'm forty, it's normally followed by either an 'ouch' or an, 'ew, really?'"

Ryan chuckled again. "Nah, you won't get that from me." He kept his eyes on the road and glanced in his rearview mirror as he changed lanes, adding, "I've always believed you're as old as you feel."

"Oh, well that's good." Kirsten smiled to herself and relaxed her position, leaning an elbow on the windowsill of the company Range Rover. "I certainly don't feel forty."

"Well there you go. I don't feel twenty, either."

"No?" This piqued her interest.

"No. I..." He trailed off for a moment and seemed to hesitate.

Kirsten leaned forward in her seat slightly, trying to gain his attention. "What?" she coaxed gently.

He looked over at her briefly. "Okay, don't repeat this, because it probably sounds... y'know, whatever, but... I've been told I kind of have an 'old soul.' Like mentally I'm older than I am physically or something."

Kirsten nodded slowly; the explanation seemed fitting. "Yeah, I can see that. You're very mature."

"Thank you," he replied quietly. "I kind of pride myself on not being the typical twenty-year-old male."

Her brows flicked upward in silent appreciation. "That is a good thing, definitely. I don't know a lot of twenty-year-old guys that would buckle down enough to finish school early and start in with a well-paying job." She chuckled to herself. "My son still balks at the idea of even having a part-time job."

"You have a son?"

"Yeah, he's about your age."

"Ouch," he laughed. "Way to wedge the age difference in there. Here I was thinking we were equals."

Kirsten reached out and batted at his arm without even really thinking about it. It was just a natural reaction. "Oh, I was merely making a comment."

"Yeah, I know. But you saying that just makes it..." He trailed off and shook his head.

Kirsten, somehow, was able to mentally fill in the rest of the sentence. "Yeah. I know."

A moment of silence fell; one in which Kirsten wondered what Ryan was thinking; whether he was feeling the same kind of spark she'd been feeling since they met.

"So you're married, then?" he asked a few minutes later.

Kirsten nodded. "Yeah. For about twenty years, I guess."

"Oh."

They were silent for the rest of the trip to their destination, and Kirsten had the distinct feeling that another barricade had been thrust between them.

* * *

TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

TITLE: The Second Time Around

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a blur for Kirsten. She and Ryan bantered comfortably, but there was always that one thing -- her marriage, specifically -- dangling between them, making things just a little more awkward than they should have been. And then, that just left Kirsten wondering why it was so awkward. They weren't trying to date each other. And sure, there was an obvious attraction between them, but so what? Nothing was going to happen.

She and Ryan surveyed the land that the new development was to be built on. Her father wanted it called 'Harbor Heights.' She just hoped there wouldn't be a lawsuit this time around like there had been two years ago with one of her dad's developments.

They started discussing plans for the positioning of the houses, cul-de-sac versus street, and what kinds of options they had for square footage. "I've got a lot of ideas," Ryan had told her as they stood side-by-side staring at the land.

She had looked over at him and smiled. "Me too."

He had raised his eyebrows. "Well then we may have a fight on our hands," he chuckled, planting his hands on his hips.

Kirsten, as much as she tried to focus on work, focus on being professional, couldn't help but admire what a truly gorgeous man he was. He was in another button-down shirt, this one a pale blue, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He wore no tie and left the top couple buttons undone; she could tell without seeing for sure that he was probably more than toned underneath his shirt. She had to force those thoughts to the back of her mind, however. They would do her no good in the long run. Ryan was her colleague, nothing more.

On their way back to the car, Kirsten had stumbled on the uneven land and Ryan had caught her arm, chuckling when she started to laugh at herself. "Oh, I'm so embarrassed," she had groaned. She knew what she looked like when she tripped.

Ryan had just smiled. "Don't be. Those shoes don't really look like they're made for off-roading," he'd told her, and nodded at her pumps.

And for the rest of the ride back she marveled at how comfortable he made her feel... and at how her arm still tingled from where he'd grasped it.

The next couple of weeks continued very much like this. Kirsten would indulge her attraction being around Ryan all day at work... and then go home to Sandy, with whom things were less than stellar. Since Sandy had gone into corporate litigation a couple years back he'd been morphing into less and less of the person he had wanted to be. He stuck with the job for the pay; he now had the freedom to do whatever he wanted without leaning on Kirsten's finances. But morally and ethically, he had changed.

And Seth was no longer around to balance them out with him out hunting for a job and spending all his time talking to Summer. So she and Sandy started to fight. It was often just over little, frivolous things that really didn't need to be fought about.

After this most recent time, Kirsten called Ryan in a panic. In the midst of their fight, Kirsten had moved to slam her hand down on the counter, and accidentally slammed it down on the edge of the scale-model home she and Ryan had been working on. It crashed to the floor, instantly destroyed. So when Sandy stormed out, Kirsten's first thought wasn't to go to him as it would have been a few years ago. It was that she needed Ryan's help.

And he had come over in a flash, picking up on her hurried tone. When the doorbell rang, she practically sprinted to answer it.

"Kirsten?"

She pulled him inside and shut the door. "I'm sorry, Ryan, I'm so sorry to call you freaking out like that, it's just--"

"Hey, hey, it's alright," he told her softly. "You said something about the scale-model. What happened?"

"I, uh... I got a little klutzy," she lied as she led him into the kitchen. "I went to put my hand down on the counter, and I... knocked the model over." She stepped aside when they reached the breakfast bar, allowing Ryan to see the damage.

He winced. "Yikes. Um... okay, well, I brought the blueprints. We should be able to build it up again from there."

Kirsten grabbed the glue and they got to work. They worked silently together for what felt like hours; the silence neither awkward nor completely comfortable.

Finally, Kirsten felt the need to break the silence. "We had a fight."

"You and the scale-model?"

"My husband and I," she chuckled, adoring how he could probably sense the heaviness of the impending confession and wanting to diffuse it with light humor. She watched as Ryan set down the pieces of the model he'd been holding and focused his attention on her. "We got into this big stupid fight about... I don't even remember, and I went to slam my hand down on the counter, and I slammed it down on the model instead, and... everything went flying."

"Oh." Ryan's attention went back to gluing, then, and Kirsten handed him piece after piece. "I'm sorry."

She furrowed her brows. "About what? It's not your fault."

"I know, I'm just... sorry, I guess. That you're going through this." As if something just occurred to him, he looked up at her abruptly, eyes slightly wide. "He didn't hit you, did he?"

Kirsten smiled and closed her eyes briefly, touching his arm. She met his eyes. "No, he didn't hit me. He'd never do that. But thank you for your concern."

Ryan nodded and went back to gluing once more. Kirsten took a moment to watch him, to study his features and recall the way he had looked at her just a moment ago. "You've... experienced that before, haven't you?" she asked tentatively, part of her already knowing it to be true.

And Ryan was somehow tuned in to her thoughts -- he didn't need her to explain what she was implying. He just nodded. "Yeah."

"Who?" Kirsten stopped herself and shut her eyes self-deprecatingly for a moment, correcting, "If you don't mind telling me."

Ryan smiled reassuringly at her -- she hadn't stepped over the line -- and told her, "I don't mind. It was my parents."

"Oh."

He shrugged. "They just... they both drank a lot, and so when they argued, nine times out of ten it got physical."

Kirsten frowned sadly, seeing a whole new side to him. "I'm sorry."

Ryan shrugged again. "Nothing to be sorry for. Neither one of them ever raised a hand to me or my brother. Just... to each other."

"Do you still talk to them?"

"Not really. Mom's working in some diner in Albequerque and Dad's in prison for a misdemeanor, so... I don't really keep in touch with them." He tilted his head and glued another piece of the scale-model back on. "And it's better that way. Even my parents agree. My mom told me the last time I talked to her a couple years ago that I was too smart and had too much going for me to be tied to her or my dad. So, she cut me loose. And I took off."

"And your brother?"

"He, uh... he stole a car a year ago, so I think at this point I think it's a good possibility that he and my dad are cell mates."

Kirsten raised her eyebrows, surprised by his nonchalance. When Ryan looked up and caught this, he smiled slightly and gave a facial shrug. "I've learned to sound like I don't care. That way, other people won't care."

"I do," Kirsten said softly, unaware that she'd actually said it until she saw the look that came to his eyes.

They searched each other's eyes for a long moment. Ryan's seemed to be telling her that he was touched... that maybe he hasn't had that many people in his life that genuinely care about him. Finally, Kirsten had to break gaze for fear she'd do something impuslive, like... hugging him or something.

"But anyway..." he continued, a bit awkwardly. "If I act like I don't care, other people won't really care." He smiled slightly when he added, "I _have_ noticed since I've been in Newport that people will stare at you like you're insane if you act like you don't care about something like that."

Kirsten had to laugh. "Yeah, we're all just a little... sheltered here, I guess. No wonder why my son wants to get out so badly." After a moment, she looked up at him, gave him a sideways glance as he worked diligently beside her. "How long have you lived in Newport?"

"About a month. I've got a place in the numbered streets."

"Oh."

"Not nearly as nice as this neighborhood," he grinned, "But I don't need all that much."

"Neither do I, actually," Kirsten chuckled, "Despite what the size of this house might say otherwise." She looked around the kitchen, out into the living room. "It's just... I helped design this house, so... I'm kind of attached to it."

"I can understand that. I'm trying to design my own house, too, but it's..." He chuckled. "It's slow-going."

Kirsten grinned. "Yeah? Need help?"

"Desperately, yeah. I'm getting kinda frustrated actually." He grinned back at her, and again that tension filled the room.

All that Kirsten could think of to say was, "Frustration sucks," while her gaze drifted toward his lips.

"Yeah, it does." She couldn't help but notice that his eyes made the same path toward her lips before meeting hers again.

Kirsten had to marvel at how well they could read each other for only knowing each other a couple of weeks. They searched each other's eyes and she knew full-well that they were both thinking the same thing: What harm would a little kiss do?

But then the front door opened. Sandy had come home. "Kirsten... I'm sorry, honey. It was stupid of me to--" He stopped in his tracks in the doorway, catching sight of Ryan, standing directly next to his wife. "Hi."

Ryan politely nodded a greeting and looked to Kirsten, who gestured to him. "Sandy, this is Ryan. That new architect I told you about. Ryan, this is my husband Sandy."

The two men shook hands, and Kirsten knew they were instantly sizing each other up. "Nice to meet you, Ryan. Kirsten's told me so much about you. Says you're quite the genius."

Kirsten covered her eyes until she heard Ryan's laugh. "She told you about that, huh? Well thanks. It's really not a big deal. I just... graduated a little ahead of schedule and knew just what I wanted to do, so..." He slipped his hands into his pockets and shrugged. "Here I am."

"Well good for you." Sandy looked to his wife, and Kirsten took the hint -- they needed to talk things out now.

"Uh, Ryan, I'm sorry, but--" She felt herself touching his arm and wincing apologetically.

Ryan shook his head, dismissing the apology. "I understand, that's fine." He set down the glue and grabbed his blueprints, heading for the door. "We can pick this up some other time. On Monday?"

"Shoot. I forgot it's Friday. Can you swing by tomorrow? I'd really like to get this finished."

Ryan smiled. "Sure." He waved at her, then at Sandy. "Give me a call when you want me to come over tomorrow, Kirsten."

"Sure thing."

"Nice to meet you, Sandy!" he called on his way out.

"You too!"

When the door shut, Kirsten schooled her features and turned to Sandy. "So."

"So he seems like a nice guy," Sandy smiled. His thick eyebrows raised, almost teasingly. "Cute, too."

Kirsten rolled her eyes. "Don't start."

"What? I'm just saying--"

"I know what you were 'just saying,' Sandy." She tossed the pieces of the model she'd been holding on to the counter and started striding quickly toward the bedroom. "I thought we were going to talk things out like normal adults instead of reverting back to childish antics."

"You know, you two seem close. Spending a lot of time together?" He followed her toward the bedroom.

"Hah!" She spun on her heel and planted her hands on her hips, in disbelief he'd actually played the 'long hours' card. "How about you and Rachel, huh? Should we talk about how close _you_ two seem to be?!"

That made Sandy stop just feet in front of her. His shoulders slumped slightly and he shook his head. "You're right," he sighed. "We shouldn't do this. I came home so we could work stuff out. Not start fighting all over again." He stepped toward her, carefully as if she'd attack. She wasn't completely sure that she wouldn't. "I'm sorry, okay? Forgive me?"

Kirsten closed her eyes and nodded slowly -- just because it was the easiest thing to do at this point. She let out her breath as Sandy wrapped her in a hug. She rested her chin on his shoulder and rubbed his back gently, wondering to herself just when his embrace -- when their whole marriage -- started to feel wrong.

* * *

TBC 


	4. Chapter 4

TITLE: The Second Time Around

* * *

"Thank you for stopping by again," Kirsten smiled at Ryan, bringing two mugs of coffee out onto the patio, where they had set up the scale model. "I'm sorry about yesterday, that was--"

"It's alright," he assured her, taking the mug she extended to him with a grateful smile. "No apologies or explanations necessary." Taking a sip, he next asked her, "So did you guys work stuff out?"

"Uh..." Kirsten glanced over her shoulder, into the house where Sandy was working on some files in front of the TV. "I guess so."

"You don't sound too sure about that."

"Well... he apologized, and we hugged, and that was about it. We didn't really talk about things. We just..." She sighed and sat down next to him at the table. "Lately, we haven't really been talking about what went wrong. We just... hug and move on."

Ryan didn't say much of anything in response -- just sipped at his coffee quietly and nodded thoughtfully. Kirsten found herself craving his opinion, his advice. So she grimaced. "Is that bad?"

He just smiled enigmatically and told her, "Kirsten, I'm by no means a marriage counselor. All I'm going to say is, no good comes from bottling up your feelings."

She nodded slowly. "You're right. You're right, we should talk."

"But... for now?" he grinned.

This made her laugh. His smile was so boyish, and his eyes sparkled in the most lovely way. "For now, we've got a model to work on."

* * *

Two weeks later and things were good again between her and Sandy. Or rather, better than they had been. They weren't necessarily good yet. Sandy was still spending a lot of time at the office -- with Rachel -- and Kirsten was drowning her sorrows by throwing herself into her work... with Ryan.

"So I hear the viewings of that model home are going well," Ryan commented on his way into his office, holding two cups of coffee knowing she would already be there.

Kirsten smiled at him from his drafting table, setting down her pencil. "Yeah, really well. Even without those Moroccan shower rings. My dad's confident we've got a few prospective buyers already."

His smile was bright as he congratulated her, handing her a mug of coffee. "So are you going to that party at the Yacht Club?"

Kirsten furrowed her brows, erasing a few marks she'd made in error on the new model home sketches. "What party?"

"Your dad didn't tell you? Him and Julie are throwing some big party for all your success."

Her eyes widened. "For me? The party's for me?"

Ryan chuckled. "Well... I don't know about that. It sounds more like it's a party celebrating Caleb."

Kirsten laughed in response. "Of course. I guess I should expect no different."

Ryan smiled and stood beside her, draped his arm over the back of her chair as he examined the sketch. Softly, never removing his eyes from the paper, he told her, "If it were up to me, the party would be in your honor."

Kirsten kept herself from meeting his eyes, but smiled bashfully to herself. "Thank you."

"Okay, now let's see what you've done here. Where did that wall go?" He grabbed the pencil from her hand and started to sketch a wall back in.

She snatched it back. "I decided if we left that wall down, the living room would be more spacious, and we might actually be able to do vaulted ceilings."

Ryan grabbed the pencil away from her again and chuckled. "I thought we agreed on i _no_ /i vaulted ceilings."

"But I love them!"

His laugh was infectious. "Kirsten..."

She couldn't help but laugh back. "What? I want the vaulted ceilings."

"But we said we weren't going to."

"Well I changed my mind!" She erased the wall he'd restarted, grinning devilishly.

"Kirsten, come on!" He laughed, trying to grab for the pencil, but Kirsten jerked it out of his reach too quickly. "Come on, are we gonna settle this like adults or fight like kids?"

"Fighting like kids is much more fun." She hid the pencil behind her back.

Ryan reached around her, his hands skimming her waist, and she leaned back against the drafting table, trying to press her body to it so he wouldn't grab it away. When Ryan reached under her, though, his body pressed flush against hers and she gasped. Both of them froze.

Their faces were inches away, blue staring into lighter blue, their breath puffing against each other's lips. Ryan's hands were on the small of her back, both of their hands grasping the pencil. Once again, they could read each other's thoughts. Just one more lean and they'd be kissing. Just a little closer and the spark could light a flame. Kirsten wanted him to kiss her so badly.

Over the past few weeks he'd gotten so deep into her head and into her soul that her body now craved him too. Whatever was going on between her and Sandy, whatever the gap was that had come between them... Ryan was filling that gap for her. Over the past few weeks their compatibility made itself more and more evident to her. He understood her in ways that Sandy never could and never would. One glance and he knew what she was thinking, what she was going to say before a word was spoken. He listened to her whereas Sandy just barely gave her the time of day (or was barely home). Ryan made her laugh. Sandy hadn't made her laugh -- genuinely laugh -- for at least a year, if not more.

Kirsten closed her eyes, willing to let Ryan take the lead. Whatever happened, happened. The pull to him was too strong to resist anymore. Matter of fact, it had become almost an addiction. She craved his presence like a smoker would crave nicotine.

She felt his breath against her lips and couldn't stop the soft whimper that bubbled up. His hands slid across her lower back, taking the pencil with him, and rested against her waist. "Kirsten, um..."

Her eyes fluttered open to find his centered on her lips. It took every ounce of strength in her body not to just lean in and capture his lips. She met his eyes then as he murmured, "I think we should get back to work."

Reality hit her like an express train at hearing those words. Work. They worked together; they were colleagues. And she was married. This had to stop. So she nodded. "You're right. Um..." Glancing down at the sketch, she avoided eye contact with him. "Make any changes you want to the sketch, it's fine. We can go over it later."

Then she practically ran out of his office, straight to Julie's. Without even a knock, she strode in and stated, "I need to talk to you," which effectively ended the conversation between Julie and Caleb.

"Kiki?" Her father greeted. "Everything alright?"

Kirsten nodded emphatically and pushed her hair behind her ear. Her face felt extremely warm, and she could still feel the ghost of Ryan's breath on her lips, and his hands on her waist. "Everything's great, Dad. I just need to go over a few things with Julie. In private."

Luckily Julie could read her so well after years of friendship; she nodded her understanding slowly and nudged Caleb's arm. "Cal, we can pick this up later, can't we?"

"Absolutely. I'll see you at lunch, Juju." He kissed her cheek, gathered his things, and left.

Kirsten waited until her father was well down the hallway before she turned back to Julie, shutting the office door.

"Kiks? What's going on?" Genuine concern flickered across Julie's face, and Kirsten was almost stunned by the fact that she hadn't seen sincere emotion on her friend for years. She must have sensed it was serious.

"I'm having a problem. With Ryan."

"Okay... well, I mean, if things aren't working, if he's not doing his share, then your dad's really the one to go t--"

"We almost kissed."

Julie nearly spilled her coffee, eyes wide. "What?"

Kirsten covered her face in shame, "I know, I know!" and plopped down on Julie's suede couch.

"Kirsten, what happened? What is going on with you two?"

"I don't know! I mean... okay, I admit it. Since I met him, there's been kind of a spark. But... since things have been going sour with Sandy, we've been spending more and more time together, and--"

"The spark lit a flame?"

"Just about. Yes."

"Well... okay, aside from the obvious fact that you're married--"

"I know, I'm horrible."

Julie's tone was strong; filled with conviction, almost aggressive. "No. You're not. Kirsten, this is just... this is just something natural that happens." Softer, she pressed, "Maybe, do you think, things just aren't working with Sandy anymore? That maybe the reason you're feeling something for Ryan is because you kind of know in the back of your mind that you and Sandy might be... kind of over?"

"Honestly, Julie? I've been kind of thinking that for a long time. Just... we can't connect anymore, y'know? He's so distant, and because he's distant then _I'm_ distant, and neither one of us really want to... bridge that gap anymore."

Julie nodded, hands templed under her chin and elbows on her chair's armrests; to Kirsten, she looked like a therapist. "Okay... and how about Ryan?"

"Ryan," she sighed. Just the sound of his name, the feel of it tumbling from her lips, sent her heart into palpitations.

Julie giggled. "Okay, Kirsten, I think that pretty much says it all right there. You sound like a schoolgirl."

"Ryan just makes me feel... understood. He makes me feel relaxed; safe, I guess, in a way. I don't have to tell him what I'm thinking because he already knows. And it's exhilirating because I've never really had that before, but... at the same time it drives me nuts, because--"

"Because you're married, so you feel like nothing can happen."

"No, because _nothing can happen_. Period."

"Kirsten..."

"You're gonna be the little devil on my shoulder now, aren't you?"

Julie tilted her head at her and widened her eyes slightly. "Aren't I always?"

Kirsten smiled.

"But yes. I know that you're married. I was married to Jimmy when something started up with Cal. You can't control your feelings, Kiks."

She shook her head slowly. "Nope," she agreed. "Just your actions."

"Jimmy and I weren't working, weren't connecting anymore. Then Cal came along and it was easy, natural. We understood each other." She tilted her head slightly. "Part of me wishes things would've happened a little bit differently, but I don't think it would've changed the outcome. Jimmy and I still would've gotten divorced. Marissa still would've moved away with him. Cal and I eventually would've gotten together. The sequence of events doesn't necessarily matter if it's meant to happen."

"Ugh, I just... I don't think I could do that to Sandy."

"Because he's been so considerate of your feelings lately?"

"Julie!"

Julie threw her hands up in an exaggerated shrug, innocence all over her face. "What? I'm just saying..."

"I know, I know."

The two women were silent for a moment, Kirsten deep in thought while Julie watched her carefully. "So are you coming to our party at the Yacht Club tonight, Kirsten?"

"Did you tell me about this before?"

"Yes! Two days ago, when you and Ryan were bickering about... something about vaulted ceilings?"

"Oh. Okay, well I totally forgot. I don't even know if Sandy's going to be free to go. I think he just took another big case."

Julie's shrug was nonchalant. "So go by yourself." She grinned. "Ryan will be there."

Kirsten rolled her eyes and took that as her cue to leave. "Why do I feel like I'm in junior high all over again?"

She waved goodbye to Julie and went back to her own office, biting her lip softly and smiling to herself. Maybe she really _was_ in junior high again. The thought of going to a party by herself and being able to see Ryan again was giving her butterflies.

* * *

TBC

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **_Thanks so much to everyone for the kind reviews! This fic has been a blast to write all the way through. AU Rysten is irresistible, so there will definitely be more AUs to come when this is finished:)_


	5. Chapter 5

TITLE: The Second Time Around

* * *

Kirsten combed her fingers through her hair and huffed through pursed lips, staring critically at her reflection in the mirror. When was the last time she had been so nervous about getting dressed up to go to a Newport social event? Probably not since she was sixteen, and her and Jimmy were planning on telling her father that they were dating.

She pressed her hand to her stomach and told herself to breathe; and for the third time, she examined her clothing choice for the evening. She'd chosen a black, form-fitting dress, with spaghetti straps. The top of the dress cut across her chest in a straight line, giving a hint of cleavage without showing too much. The fabric hugged her curves all the way down to the hem, slicing her just above the knee. She had curled her hair and left it down, foregoing jewelry. _All_ of her jewelry.

After her latest fight with Sandy (which had occured not even five minutes after she'd come home from work), Kirsten had stormed off to the master bedroom to change for the party. She had practically ripped her wedding ring off her finger and thrown it in the drawer of her nightstand. Sandy was yet again spending the evening with Rachel. Only this time they were going to be alone in her apartment. And yet _Sandy_ was concerned about _her_ attending a party with Ryan. The nerve of him.

Kirsten took one final glance in the mirror and decided that tonight, she was up for anything. Her marriage was basically on life support, her son was pretty much a ghost these days, and her work was her life. She was going to have a good time. And if Ryan wanted to take the plunge and kiss her, well... she'd be a more than willing participant.

On the way out, she just barely took the time to grumble in Sandy's general direction, "I'm leaving," before she slammed the door behind herself. Then, she climbed into her Range Rover and sped off toward the Yacht Club.

* * *

Kirsten parked a block away (she had no other choice -- the place was packed). She walked along the boardwalk, along the pier, and stopped when she saw a very familiar figure standing by a bench. He was in a black button-down shirt, top couple buttons undone, underneath a simple black sport jacket and charcoal dress pants. He had one hand in his pocket, leaning against the back of the bench. Kirsten was frozen in her tracks by how suddenly GQ he looked. Her eyebrows flicked upward in silent appreciation. "Ryan, hi."

He smiled at her, and she wondered if she'd feel weak in the knees every time he did that. "Hey Kirsten."

She bit her lip softly and glanced down at her high-heeled shoes as she approached slowly. She shifted her pocketbook from one hand to the other and tucked some hair behind her ear. From the way her stomach was somersaulting, it almost felt like a date. Almost. "What're you doing out here?"

"Waiting for you."

Her stomach flipped again and her stance faltered. Ryan took a step forward and she sucked in her breath, noting how his eyes never strayed from hers. "Kirsten, look... about earlier, I--"

She held up her hand to stop him. "Ryan, really, you don't have to apol--"

"I wanted to kiss you."

She blinked; he certainly was blunt tonight. "What?"

"And I'm sorry for that. I know that you're married, but ever since we met, I've been feeling..." He trailed off and looked to Kirsten helplessly.

She nodded and took a few more steps toward him. "I know. Me too." She drew in a breath quietly and told him, "I wanted you to kiss me too."

"You did?" His eyebrows raised.

"Yeah." She stood still as he came toward her, and soon they were standing just a foot from each other, each leaning a hand on the back of the bench. "I can't explain what this is, Ryan."

He raised an eyebrow. "Attraction?"

Kirsten couldn't help but smile. "Well sure. But... it's more than that, y'know?"

He nodded. "Yeah. But..." He tilted his head slightly, and shook it slowly side-to-side. "You're married."

Her voice grew soft and she ducked her head. "Yes."

"So..." His eyes, those clear blue eyes, searched hers back and forth, gentle in the moonlight. "We kind of just have to... forget about whatever this is."

Kirsten sighed and searched his eyes back. She wanted to tell him that she couldn't forget it -- you can't forget something more powerful than anything you've felt before -- but instead, she ducked her head again and murmured, "You're right."

"But..." Ryan shrugged and slipped both hands into his pockets. "That doesn't mean we can't be friends." He tilted his head and gave her a smile, and Kirsten thought for a moment her knees might buckle. "Right?"

She nodded without hesitation. "Right."

"Good." With a broad smile, Ryan held out his arm in a gentlemanly fashion and asked, "Then may I escort you inside, friend? It's kinda chilly out here."

Kirsten giggled and looped her arm through his, touched by his chivalry.

* * *

The party was in full swing just an hour later, and Kirsten and Ryan were seated side-by-side at a round table, dining on prime rib while a DJ softly played music in the background. Ryan, being new in Newport, didn't know anyone, so Kirsten took it upon herself to introduce him to their table-mates (while talking him up and bragging about him). She mainly did it to illicit a shy smile from him.

"Are you having anything to drink, Kirsten?" Ryan asked as he took the glass of white wine the waiter was extending to him.

Kirsten shook her head. "No, thank you. I haven't had anything to drink in over a year."

"Really?" Ryan took a sip of his wine.

"Mm-hmm. Should _you_ be drinking?" She raised an eyebrow.

Ryan raised one of his own back at her. "I turned twenty-one a week ago."

This widened her eyes. "What?"

Ryan chuckled. "What?"

"I missed your birthday? Oh God, I am so sorry!"

He shook his head and patted her hand reassuringly. "Not a big deal, Kirsten, don't worry."

She squeezed his hand. "But--"

"No, don't worry."

Kirsten sighed, feeling guilty that they had grown so close over the past month and she'd forgotten his birthday. Then she looked down at their hands -- still joined -- as strains of Dusty Springfield singing 'The Second Time Around' floated around her... as she silently admired how easily their hands fit together.

_Love is easier the second time you fall..._

She looked slowly up and was almost startled to find Ryan's eyes on her, delving straight into her mind. She wiggled her fingers, testing, and his played back. She drew in a breath -- suddenly it was hard to breathe -- and when they heard a fork banging against a champagne flute, their gaze and their hands broke.

Caleb and Julie were at the front of the room, Caleb's glass raised in a toast. "I want to thank you all for coming," he announced, "and supporting the Newport Group. We greatly appreciate it. We have been hard at work, creating new developments, showing new model homes. I'd like to thank my daughter Kirsten for all her hard work and dedication..."

Everyone in the room clapped, including Ryan, and Kirsten smiled bashfully. Her father continued. "I'd also like to thank our newest architect to come on board, Ryan Atwood. His future at the Newport Group is a bright one -- Ryan, thank you for all the work you've put in so far."

Now it was Ryan's turn to look bashful as everyone -- including Kirsten -- clapped for him. He waved briefly. Then attention was back on Caleb as he concluded, "And finally... the person without whom I couldn't have done any of this. She's business-savvy, she's brilliant, she's beautiful... she's the love of my life."

Ryan glanced to Kirsten and leaned over, murmuring sotto voce, "Twenty bucks says he's talking about Julie."

Kirsten rolled her eyes and smirked at him. "Y'think?"

"To Julie Cooper. Our designer and the heart of the whole operation."

While people clapped, Kirsten and Ryan exchanged a look. "Think he's gonna propose?" Ryan queried.

Kirsten immediately reached out and smacked his arm. "Don't say things like that," she hissed playfully. "God, that'd be the worst thing imaginable."

"In fact, Julie..." Caleb went on, and he reached into his pocket.

Kirsten gasped and gripped Ryan's hand again; the crowd fell silent. When Caleb dropped to one knee and opened a velvet ring box, Kirsten's eyes nearly popped out of her head. With her free hand, she reached for Ryan's glass of wine and downed the rest of it. standing up and storming out. She just barely heard her father proposing to Julie as she marched outside and down the boardwalk. A pair of footsteps followed. "Kirsten! Kirsten..."

"God, I had just been _joking_! _You_ had been joking! This is... this is the worst thing imaginable! I mean... it's _Julie_!" She paced back and forth, the wine making her feel slightly heady -- it had been so long since she'd last had a drink -- but she kept going. "My stepmother is going to be just three months older than I am. I can't even... I can't..."

"Hey. Hey..." Ryan reached out and tugged on her hand to bring her closer.

Instinctively, Kirsten buried her face in his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling his arms go around her in turn, wrapping her in his embrace. Against him, she took deep breaths, instantly calming. Why was it that only he had the ability to slow her down, to get her to breathe again, to clear her mind with just a touch?

For what felt like hours, they just stood on the pier together, Kirsten wrapped in Ryan's arms, with the evening breeze swirling around them and waves crashing below. When his voice broke the silence, it almost startled her. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah," she sighed, and heard a new song floating out from the Yacht Club -- the sound reminded her of rain drops, falling gently. And then the bass line started in, and Kirsten instantly recognized the song. She pulled away and met Ryan's eyes.

He flicked a brow upward, obviously having just been focusing on the song as well. "'With or Without You,'" he murmured. "A classic."

Kirsten nodded slowly and draped her arms loosely over his shoulders, feeling his loosen around her waist. Maybe it was the after-effects of the wine, maybe it was the breeze, she wasn't sure... but right now, nothing felt as natural as dancing with him. They started to sway on autopilot, as if possessed by the slow, hypnotic rhythm of the song.

Ryan searched her eyes. "This is okay, right?"

She shrugged. "Sure. Friends dance."

He chuckled. "They do, huh? Maybe really close friends."

"Isn't that what we are?" she tilted her head, unable to stop her tone from bordering on flirtatious.

Ryan chuckled again, and when his arms tightened around her waist, her heart skipped several beats. "Yeah. Truth be told, you're the best friend I've got here, Kirsten."

"Same here," she smiled. "Nobody seems to understand me like you do."

Kirsten drifted closer to him unconsciously and her arms tightened around his neck accordingly, bringing her closer still. Soon, she had her forehead resting on his shoulder and her eyes closed. Everything seemed to be spinning, but it wasn't like being drunk. It was much more wonderful. "I love this song," she murmured against him.

She felt, without seeing, his smile. "So do I. It's beautiful."

"Mm-hmm." Her eyes opened slightly, her eyelids heavy, and she moved to press her cheek to his. Chuckling softly, she confessed, "When I was younger, I always had a big cinematic daydream about this song."

"Oh yeah? Do tell."

"Well I always kinda fantasized about the guy of my dreams kissing me at that part where the song swells. Y'know, when Bono goes into those descants?"

"Yeah." This time it was Ryan that moved, dropping his head down so his forehead rested against hers. The song was already at the second chorus. "Y'know, it's almost to that part now."

"Mm-hmm." She closed her eyes and felt his breath against her lips. She shivered unconsciously.

"Are you cold?" he asked tenderly.

She shook her head, her forehead never leaving his as she whispered shakily, "No."

Kirsten felt him blinking, was close enough to practically hear it, and she knew the wheels were turning in his head. When she opened her eyes, his were staring right back at her. They stopped swaying, and Ryan tilted his head. Kirsten tilted hers to the other side to accommodate him and leaned a little closer. Their lips were mere centimeters from touching.

"Kirsten..."

Her knees wobbled at the way her name sounded on his lips, dripping with a mix of love and lust that could've made her combust. Weakly, she responded, "Hmm?"

"If I kiss you I might not be able to stop."

"I know." She didn't care. Part of her didn't want him to stop.

"Okay." His hand came up to cup her face, and their lips were very nearly touching. "As long as we're on the same page."

Then Bono went into those descants and Kirsten had not even a split-second to respond before Ryan's lips finally covered hers. Her knees went instantly weak, but before they could buckle, Ryan's arms locked tight around her and swept her up against him. She clung to him as their searing kiss deepened. Her stomach was somersaulting over and over and Kirsten was positive she'd never felt anything so right in her life. No other first kiss compared to this. And one of her favorite songs was the backdrop.

As the song started to slow and soften, so did their kiss. Ryan was tender with her -- even when the kiss had been hot and aggressive -- he held her gently and cupped her face like a fragile relic. Kirsten felt safe and uninhibited and cherished and a million other things all at once. Sandy never made her feel this way.

And then it hit her. _Sandy_. Her wedding vows. What was she doing? Sure, they'd been having their problems lately, but... didn't every couple?

She pulled away, panting, as the song started to fade. Unconsciously, she traced his bottom lip with her thumb and whispered, "I can't do this. I'm sorry."

Kirsten tried to ignore the devastated, but understanding look on Ryan's face as she broke free of his arms and ran for her car.

* * *

TBC 


	6. Chapter 6

TITLE: The Second Time Around

* * *

Kirsten cried all the way home. Kissing Ryan had felt far too right for her liking. And despite her problems with Sandy, he was still her husband, and a large part of her did still love him and didn't want to hurt him.

Upon reaching the house, she parked her car and jumped out, heading straight for the master bedroom where Sandy was fast asleep. She changed into her pajamas and climbed in beside him. He slept on his side, facing away from her, and she tentatively reached out to touch his shoulder.

This stirred him. "Kirs?"

She smiled and blinked back her tears. "I'm home, Sandy."

Sandy rolled onto his back and smiled sleepily. "Party no good?"

"Oh no, it was... interesting. My father proposed to Julie."

"What?" Sandy frowned in his sleep, confusion wrinkling his forehead.

Kirsten felt a rush of affection for him and patted his chest. "We'll talk about it tomorrow. For now, I want to sleep." She laid her head on his shoulder and draped her arm around him, closing her eyes.

"Everything alright?" he asked her.

Kirsten just nodded and kept her eyes buttoned closed, repeating over and over in her head that she loved her husband.

But as much as she loved him, she still got the strange (and completely backwards) feeling that she was cheating.

On Ryan.

* * *

When she arrived at work the next day, Kirsten went straight into her own office (whereas on any other day she would've gone into Ryan's), and set her stuff down on the desk. Just as she was taking off her blazer and hanging it on the back of her chair, she saw Ryan come in with a cup of coffee for her. 

He just barely twitched a smile. "Morning," and he extended the cup to her. "Here you go."

"Thank you." She was careful not to hold his gaze for too long, instead focusing on the steaming black liquid in her cup.

"Sure."

Kirsten sipped her coffee tentatively, counting down the seconds until Ryan would ask her about what happened the night before. Three... two... one...

"Well, I'll talk to you later, Kirsten." Ryan shoved his hands in his pockets and started for the door.

Kirsten watched him go, surprised that he'd made no mention of lastnight's kiss. Her mouth opened and closed on unformed words until she finally spat out, "Wait!"

Ryan paused in the doorway, his back still turned to her. He turned his head to the side, eyes downcast to the downward diagonal. "What?"

"Um..." How was she supposed to broach it? There was no sense asking what last night was -- it was a kiss, plain and simple. A culmination of the attraction they'd both been feeling over the past month.

Ryan, reading her mind as he always did, just told her softly (still without meeting her eyes), "Kirsten, you don't need to explain. We both wanted it, but it was wrong. You had every right to go home to your husband."

She shook her head, though he didn't see this. No, that wasn't what was wrong. What was wrong was that she felt terrible... not for kissing him, but for running out on him. For feeling like she was cheating on him by going back to her husband. How was it possible that he made her feel like that? It should've been the other way around. "Look, I--"

"Really, it's okay." He turned to face her now, hands in his pockets again. He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe it's best if we just pretend it never happened, okay?" He waved slightly. "I'll see you later. I've got a meeting with your dad."

"Okay." Kirsten watched him go yet again, and this time she let him leave. She blinked back the tears in her eyes and decided that now was the time to focus on fixing her marriage.

* * *

Her strategy for fixing the marriage, to her credit, actually worked... for a solid two weeks. But by the end of that second week, Sandy took a big, complicated case with Rachel. Not to mention her father's wedding was happening at the end of the week. So stress reared its ugly head.

Kirsten luckily kept herself away from alcohol, but she as well as Sandy knew that once the reception rolled around, there was no telling what would happen. Kirsten also managed to keep herself away from Ryan. Granted, they still had to work together, but there was distance between them now. Ryan had been a bit more detached, a bit more stoic with her than he used to be. And in spite of that, or perhaps maybe because of it, it left Kirsten wanting to be in his arms again. She wanted him to hold her and assure her that he wasn't upset with her.

"Ryan, what are you up to tonight?" Kirsten asked nonchalantly at the end of the day one day while gathering her things from his office.

Ryan was rolling up his blueprints, avoiding her gaze, as he told her, "I've got some plans with a friend."

Kirsten's heart immediately lurched at the thought that he might have a date. "Oh."

Ryan's stoicism disappeared for just a moment as he regarded her and asked, "You okay?"

Kirsten avoided his gaze as she blinked back the tears she felt welling. She shook her head, but didn't explain for fear that she'd burst into tears. She just barely choked out, "I have to go," before she ran out the door. She couldn't be around him anymore. Maybe she just needed to see Sandy, to put things in perspective again.

She had to stop feeling this way around Ryan. Her heart ached every time she saw him. Her lips tingled with the ghost of that kiss. She was certain that kiss would forever be emblazoned in her memory. As well as the way that he held her, the way that he smiled, the feeling she got in her stomach and her heart when she sensed he was nearby. It scared the hell out of her to think it, but... she was falling in love with him; was possibly _already_ in love with him.

No matter how much she reminded herself that she was married, that she loved her husband, that didn't stop the breadth of her emotion toward Ryan. They had a connection... one she'd never felt before... and all the love she felt for Sandy seemed to pale in comparison when she was around Ryan.

Kirsten raced home, ready to throw herself into Sandy's arms, ready to kiss him... to make herself forget about Ryan. And then she opened the front door. And Sandy and Rachel, who had very obviously been either locked in a kiss or had been about to kiss, jumped apart. "Kirsten, you're home!"

Kirsten stood cemented in place in the doorway, jaw slack at what was taking place in front of her. Then, without another word, she turned and went back out the door, slamming it behind her. Where she went next was pure instinct; she drove almost in a trance. She got there, but she wasn't completely sure how.

She ran up the steps and knocked on the door, putzing with her fingers as she waited for it to open. When it did, Ryan stood before her in a gray tee shirt and blue jeans, eyebrows raised -- obviously surprised to see her. "Kirsten. Are you okay?"

The tenderness in his voice was too much to bear, and with everything piling up on her -- the kiss, her father's wedding, Sandy, Rachel -- Kirsten burst into tears and fell into Ryan's arms. She felt Ryan tense for only a moment before his arms went around her and he held her tight, his lips against the top of her head. "What happened?" he murmured softly.

"Sandy," she choked out. "I saw him with... with--"

"Rachel," he finished for her, his tone pregnant with barely-repressed fury. He kissed the top of her head. "I'm so sorry."

She balled his shirt in her fists, sniffling and hoping she wasn't getting too many tears on his shirt. "And I know I shouldn't be mad, after what's happened between us, but... I just never expected..."

"I know, I know."

All the stoicism from the past few weeks was gone and she allowed herself to sink fully against him, taking comfort in his warm embrace. "I can't go back there," she cried. "I'll just end up hitting him or throwing things, or... drinking if I go back there."

Ryan just rubbed her back. She could've sworn she felt him start to tense, but she ignored it.

"Can I stay here?"

"Uh, Kirsten--"

"Hey Ryan," a third voice called out, "This beer sucks! Am I going to have to go pick up the quality stuff? Who's that?"

Kirsten pulled away and wiped her eyes, which widened when she saw a blonde rummaging through his fridge in nothing but a towel. "Oh my God."

When she stepped out of his arms, Ryan gripped her hands, panic lighting his eyes. "Kirsten, it's not--"

"I'm such an idiot."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologized. "Were you guys in the middle of something?"

Kirsten shook her head, avoiding Ryan's gaze like the plague. "Not anymore. Sorry to bother you, Ryan."

"Kirsten, wait!"

But Kirsten left before she could embarrass herself further. Perhaps she was clueless.

About _all_ the men in her life.

* * *

TBC

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **A big thanks to my amazing reviewers! You guys are fantastic. If any of you have Live Journals and are interested in reading more of my Rysten fics, please feel free to let me know what your username is and I will hook you up!

Thanks again!!


	7. Chapter 7

TITLE: The Second Time Around

* * *

"Morning, I brought you some coffee."

Kirsten never lifted her eyes from her desk as she made some adjustments to their latest scale model, even when she heard Ryan's voice shake a bit with nervousness. "I've already got some, but thanks," she replied distantly.

"Okay." She felt Ryan step up beside her and look down at the model, felt his eyebrow arch without seeing him. "So we _are_ doing the vaulted ceilings on that one."

"Yes, I thought since this was kind of the center model of the whole development we could add a little something extra to it. What do you think?" Stoically, her tone cool and professional, she held up the model for his inspection.

Their eyes met only briefly, Ryan's questioning her demeanor, before he looked at the model. He placed his hands over hers under the model to hold it steady, and as angry as Kirsten was at him, she still had to fight from gasping at the contact. And was she hallucinating, or... did Ryan's fingers kind of stroke hers placatingly?

"It looks good," he told her, mimicking her brusque tone. "I like it."

"Okay, good." Kirsten set the model down and was torn between being glad his hand was no longer touching hers, and being disappointed.

She felt Ryan watching her and her jaw tensed; after a moment, she looked up at him. "What?"

He narrowed his eyes at her contemplatively. "Why are you so upset with me?"

Kirsten huffed -- shouldn't he know that already? -- but then she had to remind herself that, as advanced as Ryan was, he _was_ still a man. So then she sighed. "Just forget it."

"I can't, Kirsten, when you're treating me like this." When she moved to brush past him, he caught her gently but firmly by the upper arm, forcing her to meet his gaze. "Is this about last night?"

Kirsten jerked her arm out of his grasp. "Just leave it alone, Ryan. What do you care, anyway?"

"What do I care? Maybe I care about _you_!"

"You care," she chuffed in disbelief, anger bubbling up inside her now. Anger at Sandy, anger at Rachel, anger at that blonde tramp in the towel, who -- in Kirsten's mind -- was probably lolling around in Ryan's bed at that very moment, awaiting his return. "Why waste your time caring about me when you've got towel-clad goddesses lounging around your house?"

Ryan, too, appeared more than angry. "Kirsten, you don't even know what you're talking about!" he exclaimed, his brow creasing in exasperation. "You never even bothered to ask who she was or what was going on. You just ran out!" He glanced over his shoulder briefly for prying eyes and ears -- they were still in the clear -- and he lowered his voice a bit. "And it's not like I need to explain myself to you anyway! You were married -- still _are_ married -- so what should it matter who's over at my house at any given time?"

Kirsten glared. She kind of wanted to hit him. Hit him or kiss him, she wasn't sure which way she'd go. "It doesn't matter! I don't care."

"You sure as hell seem like you do!" He shook his head. "Kirsten, you and I aren't... _betrothed_ to each other or anything! We work together. We're friends. We just got carried away at the Yacht Club. It was just a kiss."

Why did she feel like a spike had been driven through her heart? "_Just_ a _kiss_?!" She threw her hands up exaggeratedly and let them fall to her sides, clapping against her thighs. "Well that's great. I'm glad I finally know what that meant to you. It was just a kiss. I was just another pair of lips. Just another potential notch on the bedpost for you, right?"

Ryan closed his eyes and shook his head, remorse overtaking his features. "No, that's not what I meant--" He reached out for her, "Kirsten, let me just explain what--"

She slapped his hand away harshly. "I think you've made yourself perfectly clear." She grabbed her purse off the chair by her office door. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a meeting with my dad and the zoning committee. You're on your own today."

She flounced out of the office before Ryan could utter another word.

* * *

Kirsten spent the remainder of the week at the Mermaid Hotel, near the numbered streets. The only time she'd spoken to Sandy was when she went back to the house to gather the bare essentials. He'd apologized and had given the old standby excuse of, "She came on to me," but Kirsten ignored him. He had shouted after her, told her that there was no way that something hadn't already happened between her and Ryan, but she just slammed the door in his face. He was right, but she was in no mood to go down that path.

She found herself listening to U2 more and more as it got closer and closer to the wedding, replaying what had happened on the pier rather than trying to replay and analyze any of what went on with Sandy. What happened on the pier had felt... right. It felt natural, it felt easy, like she was supposed to kiss him, supposed to dance with him... supposed to fall in love with him. Maybe it was her fault everything turned upside down from there. Maybe if she hadn't run from him things would be a lot better right now. She wouldn't be hurting so much.

Julie knew something was going on, but was too preoccupied with her impending nuptials to devote enough time to Kirsten to help her out. She frequently asked her if she was okay -- more often than not, when Caleb was in the room as well -- which left Kirsten no choice but to nod and tell her that she was fine.

Kirsten was to be a bridesmaid at the wedding -- a duty that would normally thrill her, but now it just made her ache even more. She had no date to the wedding. She figured Sandy would be there, but she had no plans to speak to him. Seth (and Marissa) were skipping out on the wedding to go see Summer in Rhode Island... and Ryan, of course, would probably be with Bambi the land nymph.

Kirsten dressed for the wedding in her hotel room and headed for the church. The morning passed in a blur as she helped Julie finish getting ready; she just barely remembered walking with one of the groomsmen down the aisle. Throughout the ceremony, she tried not to look out at the crowd, knowing that Ryan and Sandy would be out there. However, when the priest started to talk about having second chances at love, a second chance at finding a soul mate, Kirsten's eyes seemed to connect with Ryan's by pure magnetism.

They held gaze, and Kirsten wondered if that was what she was feeling with Ryan -- a soul mate kind of connection. She wondered how she could've fooled herself into thinking that was what she and Sandy'd had. Ryan was by himself, she noted, and his eyes seemed to plead with her -- they apologized to her. She tore her watery eyes away when it was time for the vows.

* * *

"Kirsten, thank you so so much!" Julie gushed, rushing up to the head table to take another bite of her food.

Kirsten couldn't help but chuckle. "For what?"

"For being here for me... for us. Your dad really appreciates it."

"Guess this makes you my stepmom, huh? You're not going to start giving me chores, are you?"

Julie rolled her eyes and smirked, knowing she was joking. "Ha, ha." Then, she jerked her head toward the dance floor. "When are you gonna get out there, huh?"

"As soon as I have a dancing partner."

"Well, I know of a couple of guys who haven't been able to take their eyes off you all day."

Kirsten sighed. "Yeah, and one of those two I don't want to speak to right now. The other one, I haven't spoken to since our big blowout fight a few days ago."

Julie tilted her head in empathy and took another bite of her food. "Kirsten, honey, I'm so sorry I haven't been here for you."

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it. Sandy and I are just... we're pretty much over. I caught him with Rachel."

Julie gasped. "In bed?"

"No," Kirsten hissed, frowning and glancing around surreptitiously for prying ears. "I saw them kissing. Or... about to kiss. I don't remember anymore." She shrugged. "And I probably _shouldn't_ have been mad about it seeing as how I kissed Ryan and everything--"

"Um, what? Why didn't you tell me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Your head has been in the clouds for almost a month now, Julie! And there was never a good time."

"Wow. It's like missing one week of a soap opera." Julie shook her head slowly, apparently mystified by the turn of events.

"Anyway. Things are over with me and Sandy."

"And Ryan?" Julie prompted, eyebrows raised.

She sighed. "I... don't know. After we kissed, he said we should forget it ever happened. Then, when the thing with Sandy and Rachel happened, I went to Ryan's place crying and found him with a girl."

"Wow, Kiks. Now I'm _really_ upset with myself for not being there."

"Well and on top of that, the next day we got into this big stupid fight, and just..." She blew a puff of air through her pursed lips. "Things just aren't great right now, Jules."

Julie's large green eyes searched hers. "What are you going to do?"

"How about dancing with your father?" Caleb's voice startled the two women out of their conversation, and Kirsten met his eyes.

There was almost a knowing look on his face, and when he quirked a smile, Kirsten placed her hand in his and let him lead her onto the dance floor. "You're already wanting to get out of dancing with your bride?" she joked.

"Oh, hush. I sensed that perhaps you could use a little father-daughter time."

"Because we have so much of that."

Caleb pulled back and regarded her thoughtfully. "When did you become so sarcastic, Kiki?"

"Must be the influence of my son. I'm sorry. I've just been under a lot of stress lately." Then, remembering how she and Julie had been interrupted, she raised one eyebrow at her father. "Speaking of which... how much of that conversation did you hear?"

"Enough," he replied cryptically. After a moment, he added, "Sanford Cohen has never been good enough for you."

"Dad..."

"I'm sorry, Kiki, but it was an instinct I got early on, and... now it seems my suspicions have been confirmed."

"Well, please just... stay out of it, okay? Sandy and I will deal with the fallout on our own."

"I know. You've been so upset lately, Kirsten. I'd love for you to be happy again."

Kirsten sighed as her father turned them slowly in a circle on the dance floor. She watched the other guests, dancing happily. "I'd love that too, Dad, but right now that's just... not going to happen."

"Well, I think you just need to be around someone that makes you happy. Regardless of what the age difference may be." He mirrored her eyebrow quirk, a pointed look on his face.

Kirsten blushed and looked away. "Okay, so apparently you were there long enough to hear the stuff about Ryan too."

"I've seen you when you're around him, Kirsten. And I've neer seen you looking so alive. So rejuvenated. What I have with Julie is very much like what I see in you and Ryan. At a time when I was almost starting to feel numb to everything, Julie reawakened me. She stirred my passion--"

"Thanks. Dad. I don't really need to hear about that."

"I apologize. But you understand what I'm saying, don't you?"

Kirsten nodded and let her eyes drift toward Ryan. "Yeah. I do."

When she saw him get up from his seat and start to make his way over to them, Kirsten gasped a little and clutched her father's arm tightly. "He's coming over here."

"Good. Hopefully he can get you to smile again."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that."

Her father either didn't hear her or ignored her comment as he turned the two of them to face Ryan, smiling. Kirsten thought Julie really _had_ done a number on her father. He rarely smiled -- much less at any potential male interests of hers -- but there he was, practically beaming at Ryan. Maybe he'd had too much to drink already. "Ryan!" he boisterously greeted him. "Care to cut in?"

Ryan just barely twitched a smile and Kirsten had to look away as her heart lurched. She was upset with him for being with that girl, but she missed him terribly. She'd never had someone that could pull her in polar-opposite directions in a split-second. "I'd love to, thank you sir," she heard him respond.

Then she felt her father's hands releasing her. She looked up to him in panic just long enough to catch his enigmatic smile before she floated into Ryan's arms. The music changed from the slow fifties music that her father enjoyed, into the slow eighties ballads that Julie enjoyed -- U2 specifically. Then Ryan pulled her close and Kirsten's heart jumped into her throat as he whispered, "Must be fate."

Kirsten immediately, instinctively, relaxed against them and let their cheeks touch as she wondered what he was implying -- whether it was the song, or them in general. Quietly, she agreed, "Must be."

They were quiet, turning in slow circles as 'With or Without You' played in the background. Kirsten's eyes slipped closed and she was falling into a lovely sort of trance, enjoying indulging in all five senses -- the warm, dewy air, rose-scented from all the table centerpieces; the comforting heat of Ryan's hand, touching her lower back through her crimson silk bridesmaid dress; the scent of his light sandalwood cologne as their cheeks were pressed together.

And she was aware that Sandy may be somewhere in the crowd watching them, but now... pressed against her desire -- the man who was quite possibly her true soul mate -- Kirsten didn't have a care in the world.

"About what happened last week..." Ryan murmured.

"Ryan, we're both adults. You don't need to explain. And I mean, you _did_ say that we should forget about the whole kiss thing, and--"

"She was my friend."

"What?"

"Yeah. My friend Tessa from grade school. The apartment where she lives with her fiance was being fumigated, and there wasn't enough room at his parents' house, so... I offered her my guest room for the week."

"Oh." Kirsten rested her chin on his shoulder and frowned. "Now I feel kinda stupid."

Ryan chuckled and Kirsten enjoyed the vibration of it against her chest, enjoyed his arms tightening around her. She tightened hers around his neck accordingly. "Don't feel stupid. It's not your fault she popped out from her shower in a towel. Tessa's never really cared about stuff like that."

"So you and her weren't--"

"No. Never. I love Tessa, don't get me wrong, but..." He chuckled to himself. "God, she drives me nuts sometimes."

Kirsten giggled. "Really?"

"Yeah, she's kind of a drama queen. She stresses easily, which in turn stresses me out. I need someone that can relax me."

"Hmm." She rested her chin on his shoulder and rubbed his back gently.

"Yeah. Someone that understands me..." He pulled away gently and searched her eyes. "Y'know?"

Kirsten nodded. Then, after a moment in which they just stared at each other, she softly blurted, "Sandy and I are done. He stresses me out too much, too."

Ryan nodded thoughtfully, still searching her eyes. Kirsten had never felt so cherished. He always had the softest look in his eyes when he looked at her. "Hmm."

"I need someone that relaxes me, someone that understands me." She took the plunge. "I need _you_, Ryan. I missed you."

Ryan pulled her close, a little tension in his body telling her he was being mindful of everyone around them. But still, he held her tight and murmured into her hair with conviction, "God, I missed you too. The past few weeks have been driving me insane." He laughed slightly. "_This_ is insane, Kirsten. We've known each other for not even three months and already it's like we've been together for--"

"Years," she finished, and closed her eyes. "I know."

"See? You finish my sentences, you understand where I'm coming from without even having had the same experiences before. And I never need to tell you what I'm thinking because you already know."

Kirsten smiled brightly with eyes closed over his shoulder, having uttered those same words about him before. "Yeah."

"And just... everything feels so..." He pulled away.

"Right?" she offered, searching his eyes.

"Yeah. Between us." He hugged her close again, banded both arms around her waist. He murmured against her hair, "I've never fallen in love so quickly before."

Then Bono went into those descants again, and Kirsten's heart jumped straight into her throat as Ryan's words hit her full force.

He was in love with her.

* * *

TBC 


	8. Chapter 8

TITLE: The Second Time Around  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Please take note of the rating change! This chapter not for the kiddies ;)

* * *

Ryan was in love with her.

When it hit her, and the music swelled around them, she gently pulled away from his embrace, both hands on his shoulders, and just stared at him. "What?"

Ryan looked torn between embarrassment and elation, but before he could open his mouth to say anything, Julie had grabbed the microphone for an announcement that it was time to cut the cake. So Ryan released Kirsten and grasped her hand, squeezed it gently as he grinned over at her. "I'm not really a huge fan of cake."

Kirsten, taking the hint (and still feeling just a little floored by what he'd told her a moment ago), giggled and said, "Me neither."

"Should we go sompelace a little more quiet? So we can talk?"

She nodded slowly, and looked around for Sandy -- he was otherwise occupied, having been flanked by Taryn and Suzette and a couple other Newpsies. She then squeezed Ryan's hand and told him, "Meet me at the Range Rover."

They drove separately back to the Mermaid Hotel; Ryan beat her there and Kirsten couldn't help but tease him when she got out of her car, seeing him leaning against his own. "So I learned something new about you tonight."

"Yeah?" He grinned, reaching his hand out to her. "What's that?"

She placed her hand in his and teased, "You've got a lead foot."

He laughed. "Yeah, kinda. Sorry." He tugged her close. "Can't help it. I was anxious to talk to you."

Kirsten giggled right back. "Yeah, I'm sure that's what it was."

"So... you and Sandy?" His expression turned solemn, serious.

She nodded and allowed herself to step into him, allowed him to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her close while he sat against his car. Kirsten looped her arms over his shoulders. "I saw him with Rachel and just decided not to kid myself anymore."

"Were they actually kissing?"

Kirsten shrugged, then shook her head. "It didn't really matter. Just the fact that he was that close to kissing her, and the fact that you and I kissed pretty much said it all about where the marriage was headed. We're talking about divorce proceedings next week."

"I'm sorry."

Kirsten hugged him. "Not your fault."

"It is a little bit. I kissed you, after all." He hugged her back and dropped a kiss to the hollow of her shoulder.

"I would've stopped you if I didn't want you to kiss me. But I wanted you to."

She felt him tense, then, and straighten up slightly. She gently pushed him to arm's length. His gaze on her was intense. After a good minute or two, Kirsten had to force her eyes away for fear she'd spontaneously crumple onto the pavement.

She cleared her throat and chuckled nervously. "So! Uh..." She gestured toward the hotel balcony and upper-level rooms. "Would you care to take a tour of my humble abode?"

Ryan broke the intense stare and laughed. "Sure."

Kirsten led him up the stairs by the hand, grinning when he commented teasingly behind her, "Nice place you got here. Is it a three-bedroom?"

"Yes," she laughed, enjoying how quickly he could put her at ease. "With a jacuzzi and detached pool house."

"Lovely. Have your own pool boy?"

"Not yet." She crooked an eyebrow at him flirtatiously. "Interested in the job?"

Ryan whistled lowly. "Am I ever."

Kirsten's hands shook as she unlocked the door. Sure, he could set her at ease quickly... but just as quickly (if not quicker) he could make her entire body quake. "Here we go..." She swung the door open and tried to keep her voice steady, gesturing for him to go in ahead of her.

He did so with his hands in his pockets, his back to her as he examined her hotel room. "This place could use some vaulted ceilings," he teased.

"Everyplace could," she chuckled, turning away to lock the door again. "I dunno, I don't really mind this room. Like I've said before, I don't need a whole lot of space, so this is actually kind of cozy--" She turned and immediately gasped when Ryan was suddenly just inches away, his hands framing her face.

His eyes were hooded and intense, and he was both gentle and aggressive as he leaned in and captured her lips. Kirsten felt like her knees could've buckled from the force of his kiss (not to mention the _G_-force she experienced), and she was glad when he leaned against her and pinned her to the door.

His touch was gentle, unassuming, as his hands slid over her hips. Kirsten sighed into his mouth and curved her hand around the back of his neck, bringing him closer. His tongue timidly sought entrance to her mouth, and without hesitation she acquiesced. The kiss intensified then, became filled with hunger. His hands grasped her tighter and Kirsten just barely recognized her own voice as she moaned into his mouth. They broke the kiss and stared into each other's eyes, sparks and fire bouncing back and forth between them. They both knew where this was headed.

Ryan searched her eyes, his own seeming to ask her if she was sure. His fingertips traced her face gently, almost whisper-soft, and Kirsten felt her bones melt at the look on his face. And again, the moment from the reception came back to her -- he was in love with her.

She pulled him in for another kiss and sucked in a deep breath through her nose, trying to force her stomach to stop its silly somersaulting. Was every time she kissed him going to make her feel as heady as the first time? Her hands floated up his chest, up the silk of his tie until she found the windsor knot. She yanked on it -- trying for gentle but when Ryan laughed against her lips she figured she tugged just a little too hard -- and finally had the knot undone. The swishing of silk was music to her ears as she pulled the tie out from under his shirt collar and tossed it aside, their lips still fused together. Next she undid his buttons as he removed his suit jacket.

When she spread the shirt apart, she moaned softly against his lips, feeling warm skin and taut muscle beneath her fingertips. Her fingers trailed down his breastbone to his abdomen, and at the feel of hard muscle she pulled away to take a look at him.

He was magnificent. Toned pecs and abs -- not too 'Mr. Universe' but not too slim by any means, either. He was lean, and buff. If Julie were here, she would've deemed him 'Grade A.' Kirsten was glad Julie wasn't there. Tonight, Ryan was all hers. She felt a surge of lust go through her at the thought. Ryan's chuckle brought her back down to earth.

"I sure hope you let me stare at _you_ for this long."

She smirked then and pulled him in for another kiss. When she reached for his belt buckle, his hands stopped her. "Ah-ah-ah..." he chided jokingly, teasing her lips with feathery open-mouthed kisses. "I get a turn now."

Ryan kissed her cheek just at her cheekbone, under her eye, then moved lower, halfway between her cheekbone and her lips. He kissed her jawline, then just under her ear. Kirsten was already trembling against him in anticipation when his lips found the pulse point at her throat. When his tongue flicked across it, her knees buckled and Ryan banded an arm tight around her waist to keep her upright.

He kissed across her shoulders, fingertips tickling up her arms to the spaghetti straps of her dress. He took them between his thumb and forefinger, felt over the material as he smiled at her. Then he kissed her again, each of his fingers giving one quick flick, sending each strap off her shoulders. Then his hands were on her hips, thumbs making slow circles over her hip bones and stirring a dull ache at her core. He reached around, glided his hands slowly up her back until he reached the zipper. It dragged down with infinite, maddening slowness and Kirsten wanted to tell him to hurry up. That would have wrecked the mood, however. Besides, there was a big part of her that wanted this night to take forever.

When the zipper was completely undone, the dress started to fall away of its own volition, like a deep crimson rose petal slipping from around her body. She watched it hit the floor, a puddle of silk at her ankles, and she looked up at Ryan. His eyes were making the same slow, burning path over her body that hers had made over his. Kirsten tried not to squirm under his stare, and bit her lip softly. She'd never been good at this part -- at letting men look at her. All her life she'd felt like there was just one thing that kept her from being truly beautiful. Whether it was her lack of curves or her spindly legs, she wasn't sure.

Ryan's words completely blew all her self-esteem issues completely out of the water, however, as he dragged his eyes back up to hers, awe and wonder in his own as if he was staring at the Venus de Milo. "You're stunning," he murmured.

Kirsten let out her breath, heart practically bursting, and she threw her arms around him, holding him tight for a moment. "Nobody's ever said that to me before," she whispered, telling herself to get control of her emotions.

His arms slid around her momentarily before his hands went back to her hips. "Well it's true."

She kissed him, hard, hands framing his face while he squeezed her hips together. She bucked against him and a renewed fire went through her. Her hands went to his belt and this time he didn't stop her. She unlatched it carefully before grabbing one end and whipping it from his belt loops. Ryan laughed as his hips bucked toward her with the momentum. The belt was tossed aside as she pressed her lips to his neck and unbuttoned his pants. The zipper was the next to be undone and Kirsten's lips traveled over his chest, lower and lower still as she pushed his pants past his hips and reached for the waistband of his boxers.

Kirsten kissed around his navel and felt his hands on her shoulders as she pushed his boxers down. "Kirsten, really, you don't--"

And then her lips closed around him and she heard him cry out, head thrown back in pleasure. His fingers threaded through her hair as she slid her lips, tongue, and teeth around him... and his mouth opened and closed several times in succession, only able to form parts of words... none of which were very coherent, save for her name. One hand gripped her shoulder tightly and then relaxed, over and over again as she brought him closer and closer to the edge.

Finally his hands framed her face and pulled her away. He was panting. "Kirsten..." He shook his head. "I won't last."

As he pulled her up, she grinned devilishly. "Would that be so bad?" she teased.

"Yes." He grabbed her by the back of her neck and pulled her in for a searing kiss, his lips bruising hers. After several moments, the kiss softened, and Ryan moved his lips to her ear, whispering, "I want tonight to last." He kissed just under her ear, nuzzled the skin with the tip of his nose and murmured, "I want to love you for hours."

Kirsten whimpered, knees weak from the very implication of this going on for hours upon hours. Ryan stepped out of his pants and boxers then and guided her to the bed, pulling back the covers and letting her climb in. He followed, and slithered close, kissing her as his hands roamed her body. His fingers inched across her sides, toward her back, following the line of her black lace strapless bra, and Kirsten knew what he wanted. She arched her back to give him access and silently appreciated how quickly he had her bra unhooked and off.

Ryan tossed it in the direction of the TV, and they both laughed as it landed over the antenna. He turned back to her with a smile, propped on one elbow, and leaned over her, his lips coming down upon hers. His hand traveled across her shoulders and her torso, cupping the soft mounds of flesh, brushing his thumbs over the tight peaks and Kirsten gasped, arching up into him. Then, she felt his fingers tracing down the center of her body, following the concave slope of her flat stomach, to her hips, where more black lace confined her.

He pulled away from the kiss to stare into her eyes, and Kirsten was certain she'd never experienced anything so intense. She only thought those love scenes occurred in million-dollar movies and drugstore romance novels. Never did she think she'd experience one in real life.

She lifted her hips and let him gently inch her underwear down, throwing the covers back so he could pull them all the way off. He tossed them in the same direction as her bra but they somehow ended up on the chair in the corner of the room, where his button-down shirt had landed. Kirsten giggled briefly before Ryan kissed her again... soft, sweet, passionate... erotic.

His lips went to her neck and she already knew what he was thinking. He kissed down her body, pausing to lavish attention on her breasts, before he reached her belly. Kirsten parted her legs instinctively even though she voiced protest, much like he did. "Ryan, you don't--"

But then his lips had reached their destination and Kirsten's head fell back into the pillows, "Oh, God," as her hips writhed against him instinctively.

Ryan played her mercilessly, touching her in ways no one had really bothered to before. He nudged Kirsten to the edge time and time again, bringing her slowly down off the high before she could really topple over into bliss. Finally, when she could take no more, she gripped his hair and pulled him back up. Ryan grinned at her boyishly and lavished her belly with kisses, trailing his mouth up her body until he reached her lips.

"No turning back from here," he murmured, and though his tone was serious, his eyes held a playful glint as he pulled away to look at her.

Kirsten cupped the back of his neck in her hand and yanked him back down to her, their noses bumping. "Good," she replied, and kissed him again. "Just... go slow. It's been awhile."

"Of course." His kisses softened as his fingertips stroked down her side, gently grasping her thigh and drawing her leg around his waist. Then, slowly, he sank into her.

Kirsten gasped and cried out at the sensation, her entire body tingling, electrified. Ryan held completely still, sheathed within her, and peppered kisses along her neck. His hands slid along her arms, pinned them back against the pillows on either side of her head, and his fingers threaded through hers. He pulled away and searched her eyes; then, when she smiled, he smiled back and started a slow rhythm.

Kirsten sighed and moved her hips in tandem with his, her mouth seeking his out. They kissed softly at first; then, when Kirsten started to moan, Ryan sped up and deepened the kiss. With every thrust inside her, Kirsten's stomach somersaulted, and every time he pulled out she whimpered her disappointment. She'd never felt anything like it before. Her head lolled back into the pillows. "Oh God Ryan, you feel so good."

He moaned, lips against her neck. "So do you."

They moved together in perfect harmony, skin against skin, gauging each other's moans and sighs as they got closer and closer to that proverbial edge. Kirsten was close; and could tell Ryan was close by the way that his muscles tensed against her; by the beads of sweat breaking out across his brow. The mere thought made her moan, and she closed her eyes, her ears caressed with the sound of his whisper as he gathered her close.

"Jesus Kirsten, I love you so much."

That was all that it took for her. Color burst behind her closed eyes and her whole body went still, paralyzed by the force of the climax overtaking her. She heard loud cries of ecstasy, was surprised that they were her own. Ryan groaned against her and she felt him tense as well, his body shaking as he followed her over that edge. When the waves of pleasure, almost blinding in their intensity, finally subsided, they sank together against the mattress.

Ryan moved off of her, slightly to the side, and collapsed on his stomach, arm thrown around her waist. Kirsten sighed happily, lying on her back, and stroked across Ryan's arm while he kissed her brow. "Amazing," she breathed.

"Why thank you," Ryan grinned, and laughed when she socked him in the arm. "Ow!"

Kirsten giggled and scooted closer to him on her back, so their noses touched. Ryan threw a leg over both of hers and nuzzled her nose gently, pecking at her lips. She felt his smirk against her as he drawled, "Hope you don't plan on sleeping much tonight."

She leaned away and raised an eyebrow, impressed. "Oh really? Got something in mind?"

Ryan just grinned, and she giggled again; then, laughing, they ducked under the covers together.

* * *

TBC 


	9. Chapter 9

TITLE: The Second Time Around

* * *

When Kirsten awoke, she was blissfully exhausted, and her muscles ached... but she wasn't about to complain. No, instead she smiled to herself, stroked the arm that was thrown casually around her waist, and flipped onto her other side to gaze upon Ryan's sleeping form.

The hours of pleasure that preceded her slumber surpassed by far any other sexual experience she'd ever had. In her experience, first times were usually slightly awkward. In the beginning of a new relationship, people often weren't synced up with each other enough. But not her and Ryan. Even that first time, Ryan knew instinctively the right places to kiss, to touch, and the exact right moment to kiss them (or touch them). They could read each other just by gauging the sounds they made. And every time their bodies fit together, it was so dizzying, Kirsten was certain a few times that she was going to faint.

Ryan loved her; he'd said it a second and third time. And Kirsten knew without a doubt that she loved him back. But she hadn't had a chance to say it to him. When he said it to her, both the second and third time, it had been just as Kirsten was flying over the edge -- forming words, much less a coherent thought, had been basically impossible.

Kirsten gently reached up and traced his features with the pads of her fingers. She drew them down, over his feathery blond eyelashes and traced his pronounced nose. He'd commented to her a long time ago -- shortly after they'd first met -- that he hated his nose, thought it was too big. Kirsten, her girlish headiness overtaking common sense, had told him at the time that she loved it, and that it suited him. She still vividly remembered the way he had smiled at her -- so brightly, so sweetly. That had been the first time she felt the inclination to throw her arms around him.

"I love you," she whispered to him, and felt her breath bouncing back at her off his lips. She traced them with her fingers, too. He had that most beautiful lips. And they were a perfect fit for her own, like they were made to kiss each other. She leaned in, stroking his face gently, and swept her lips over his in a whisper-soft kiss.

She was only mildly surprised when those lips started to kiss back. And when she heard the low rumble of his chuckle, vibrating against her chest, she chuckled back. "So you're awake," she murmured against his lips.

"Mm-hmm." Ryan deepened the kiss and gently rolled her onto her back, covering her body with his. "Hell of a way to wake up, too."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes, being kissed awake by the most beautiful woman in the world."

Kirsten grinned and tilted her head back as his lips went to her neck. "That's a nice thought, but so not true. I'm pretty certain Halle Berry has me beat in the looks department."

"Halle Berry doesn't have your eyes, or your nose, or anything else about you that I love." He kissed her stomach and swept his hand across it. "You're more beautiful than Halle Berry, Kirsten. At least in my eyes."

"Wow. Somebody's trying for brownie points."

Ryan grinned at her and slid back up her body, capturing her lips aggressively.

* * *

The next time Kirsten awoke, the soreness of her muscles had increased, but so had her level of bliss. She smelled coffee and sat up, spotting some in the coffee pot that had come standard with the room. Ryan was nowhere to be found.

Kirsten frowned and grabbed his dress shirt, which was draped over the chair in the corner, and pulled it on, buttoning it up. She was swimming in it, but she didn't care; she loved the feeling. Not to mention it smelled like him -- not just his very light cologne, but that distinctive Ryan scent that she couldn't get enough of. Which brought her back to her current train of thought: where _was_ Ryan?

Instinctively, she headed for the door and pulled it open softly, smiling as she saw him on the verandah, sipping a cup of coffee and watching the cars pass on the highway. "Morning," she greeted as she wound her arms around his waist. She pressed a kiss to his bare left shoulder blade and felt his smile as he rubbed her hands, turning his head slightly.

"Morning. Coffee?"

He held up a second cup, already filled and still steaming, and Kirsten's heart swelled just a little more. How could he have sensed that she would wake up soon and immediately go out to find him? "Thank you." She took the cup from him and joined him against the balcony, shoulders connecting.

"It's pretty warm out this morning," he commented. "A perfect Saturday."

"If only it could stay that perfect all day," she sighed, setting her coffee mug next to his on the balcony.

Ryan, his hands now free, wrapped his arms around her waist and tugged her back against him, kissing her neck. "Why can't it?" he murmured against her skin.

Kirsten hummed at the back of her throat and closed her eyes briefly, enjoying the sensation of his kisses, before she opened her eyes again. "I have to go back to the house and start packing my things. And start looking for a place to stay that's a bit more permanent."

"You could always stay with me."

Kirsten spun in his arms, draped her forearms loosely over his shoulders as she searched his eyes. "What about Tessa?"

"She moved out the night before last. The fumigation was finished."

"Oh." She frowned thoughtfully, smiling when he pecked at her lips playfully, nibbled them. "So, I'd basically be... moving in with you?" The thought of it panicked her and exhilirated her all at once. It was feelings like that that made Kirsten question her sanity.

"Well... you don't have to think of it like that. Think of it as, you're _staying_ with me until things are settled between you and Sandy."

"Right." She nodded once, loving that he picked up on her hesitation and took the steps to ease her discomfort. Something Sandy was rarely capable of doing.

"Plus, that may actually be good. I could still use your help designing my house, after all. We'd have plenty of time to do that after work and stuff. And hey..." He grinned, waggling his eyebrows. "We could carpool."

Kirsten threw her head back and laughed joyously, then looped her arms tight around Ryan's neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

* * *

Going back to the house hadn't been easy; not only was Sandy there but Seth had returned from Rhode Island and had apparently been informed of what was going on... but only from Sandy's point of view, that something was going on between her and Ryan. Kirsten, rather than stooping to Sandy's level and jumping in about what she saw between him and Rachel, just gently let Seth know that his father was leaving many, many details out, and that if he ever wanted the full story, he could come to her.

Seth had made his decision, though. Rather than taking a side, he was practically saying to hell with both of them, deciding to pack his own things and make a permanent move with Summer to the east coast. While getting her things together, Kirsten barely looked at Sandy though she knew he was hovering nearby. She heard him make the comment that he figured she'd take the house away from him. Sneering, she had replied, "No Sandy, that's the difference between us. I'd never even consider something so petty."

She'd taken her stuff back to the hotel with her until it was time for her to move in with Ryan. The thought of living with him still pulled her in polar opposite directions -- butterflies of excitement and stomach knots of nervousness -- but she tried not to think about it. She told herself over and over that he was just doing her a favor, and that it would have no effect whatsoever on the advancement of their brand new relationship.

But then that was when the stomach knots would kick in, telling her that this wasn't just a favor. This _would_ have an effect on their relationship. It would suddenly rocket it into the realm of being serious, and after everything she'd just gone through (gotten out of)... was she ready for that?

* * *

"You're sure I'm not imposing?" Kirsten set her suitcases down with a grunt. A week after moving out of the home she'd shared with Sandy, she was now moving in (staying -- it was less nerve-wracking to say 'staying') with Ryan.

Ryan smiled at her as he came through the front door with a box of her things. "Kirsten, you could never impose." He grunted as well as he set the box down on the couch. Straightening up, he added, "Besides, you've come on a very special day."

"Oh?" Kirsten raised an eyebrow flirtatiously. "Why's that?"

"Well," he reached his hand out to her and winked when she grasped it, "it just so happens that this morning I had a new mattress delivered. I haven't had a chance to try it out yet, though."

Kirsten smirked and rolled her eyes, but let him lead her to the bedroom nonetheless. "You really are insatiable."

"Nope, just madly in love," he chuckled, and tugged her into the room with his arm around her waist, slamming the door behind them.

* * *

An hour later, Kirsten collapsed onto her stomach with a satisfied sigh, smiling into the pillow when she felt Ryan drop down beside her. "I really like this mattress," she murmured.

Ryan chuckled and leaned over to place kisses on her bare back, ducking out of the way when her hair flew as she swiveled her head to face him. "I'm glad. I like it too."

She regarded him thoughtfully for a moment before she asked, "So you're really okay with me staying here with you?"

He kissed her sweetly, passionately. "Of course I am. I love being around you, you know that. You're my best friend."

Kirsten smiled and propped herself up on her forearms, leaning over to kiss him back. "I know. You're mine, too."

"And I want to be here for you while you're sorting things out with Sandy. I mean, I know that you're pretty self-sufficient, and... don't get me wrong, it's one of the things I love about you, but... you've gotta let yourself lean on someone sometimes. You can't just be the supporter all the time; you need to let someone support you in return."

Kirsten blinked slowly, absorbing his words, and kissed him again. "I love you."

"Love you too." Ryan pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead.

She laid her head on his chest and draped an arm around him, staring at the wall -- through it, rather -- as she let herself think. She and Sandy were undoubtedly getting a divorce -- there was no way they could work out everything that had come between them. And she and Ryan were practically already neck-deep into a serious relationship. It practically turned serious the first time she realized she never wanted to be kissed by anyone else but him ever again.

But she had to remind herself not to get in too deep, too quickly. That was what happened with Sandy. They got carried away, two precocious twenty-two-year-olds, and got married just months after they had met. And look how well things had turned out. She didn't want that to happen with Ryan. What she had with him was too unique, too intense, to be handled so hastily.

As much as she told herself that, and knew that that was the correct way to handle things... she also knew that what she had with Ryan would never be as malleable as her relationship with Sandy. What she had with Ryan seemed unbreakable. A bone-deep bond like that couldn't be severed too easily. Still... she had to be careful.

"You think we're going too fast?" his voice broke into her thoughts.

Her head came abruptly off his chest and she searched his eyes. "How do you do that?" she asked quietly.

Ryan just laughed. "I have no idea, but I like how much it freaks you out."

She whacked him in the chest -- then, as if feeling bad about hitting him, she pressed a kiss there to soothe. "Shut up," she grumbled playfully, nestling against him again.

"You do, though, don't you?" he asked, tone serious.

Kirsten closed her eyes and sighed. "Sometimes, yeah. I think things are moving a little fast. Part of me loves that because it's exhilirating and because you and I share something that I've never had with anyone else, but... at the same time it scares me. I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," he vowed, kissing across her forehead, just above her brow line.

"It's just... me and Sandy happened _so fast_, y'know? I mean, one minute we bumped into each other in the quad and introduced ourselves, and then a month later we were living in the back of a mail truck together. Just a couple months after that, we got married. And I wouldn't trade those times for anything in the world, because we had fun, and we loved each other, but..." She sighed. "I look at how things are now. For how connected we were at first, things sure went to hell fast." She propped her chin on his chest and her hair fell all around her face, like a curtain. She smiled when Ryan pushed it back. "I don't want that to happen with you."

"I know. And, to be honest that sometimes freaks me out a little bit, too. But..." He shrugged one shoulder, still holding her hair back. He tilted his head and smiled. "Then I think about how great I always feel when I'm around you. How well I know you without having to know absolutely everything about you. And... then I think, it doesn't really matter how slow or how fast we go. No matter the speed, we'll reach the same destination."

"That's beautiful," Kirsten smiled.

Ryan hummed a brief chuckle. "I figured out awhile ago that we're going to end up together no matter what, Kirsten. But we can get there as slowly or as quickly as you'd like."

"Thank you."

And Kirsten finally, thankfully, was able to relax.

* * *

TBC 


	10. Chapter 10

TITLE: The Second Time Around

* * *

The next six months flew by in a blur for Kirsten. At the end of the first month, Caleb and Julie returned from their (as they called it) 'extended' honeymoon. Her first day back, Julie had in seconds picked up on the status of Kirsten's relationship with Ryan. After seeing them so much as say good morning to each other, Julie had later pulled Kirsten aside to excitedly hiss, "You guys had sex!"

Kirsten had never been happier than she was with Ryan, and she knew that showed through on her face every time they were in the same room together. They worked together more seamlessly now than ever, their minds constantly working in tandem. Her father had been very excited by the progress they'd made on the new developments.

And, though he never said anything, she could tell he was also thrilled with her new relationship. He was always jovial around Ryan, boisterously greeted him every time they passed each other in the halls. Kirsten adored the way it almost freaked Ryan out. "I'm not used to having dads approve of me," he had told her one afternoon. She'd kissed him in response.

At the end of the third month, her divorce from Sandy had been finalized. Sandy had stopped in to the Newport Group a few days after that to say goodbye -- to tell her he would be moving out to the east coast to join Seth. "I belong out there," he had told her, in a surprisingly good mood that day. He had almost looked a little sad. "The only good thing that came out of living here was you. And Seth. So, it's time to go back."

They had hugged goodbye and Kirsten had watched him go, feeling a twinge of sadness. There would always be a large part of her that loved Sandy; but she knew that now it was best for them to go their separate ways.

By the time the end of the fourth month rolled around, Ryan had pulled Kirsten aside at work with some news. "There's a secret I've kind of been keeping from you for a few months."

Kirsten's eyebrows had flown up, but she let him explain himself. Secretly, he had been having his new house built -- the house that they'd finished the plans on just shortly before her divorce had been finalized. She knew Ryan had made some last minute changes to the plans, but he refused to tell her what they were. For the next two months she asked excitedly time and time again when the house would be finished, but every time, Ryan would just smile enigmatically and tell her, "Soon."

On the last day of the sixth month, while meeting with Julie in her office, she posed a rather random question to Kirsten. "What if Ryan proposed to you?"

It had been more than enough to lift Kirsten's eyes from the fabric samples she had been studying. "What?"

Julie leaned across her desk slightly. "Well, I mean... you guys have been together for like six months now, right?"

"Right..."

"Well?" Julie shrugged. "It's getting to be that time when a guy might start thinking about the future..."

"Oh Julie, come on! It's only been _six months_! Do you really think that Ryan is thinking about stuff like that?"

Julie raised her eyebrows. "If I had to go off of how he looks at you, then yeah. He's thinking real hard about it."

Kirsten pondered that for a moment. "Hmm."

"So, to go back to my original question--"

"Did he say something to you?" Kirsten wondered, narrowing her eyes warily at her friend.

"No!" Julie blew a raspberry through her pursed lips. "Are you kidding? He barely says a word unless you're around."

"Okay..." Kirsten still wasn't completely convinced.

"I was just wondering what you'd do."

Kirsten frowned thoughtfully. "I guess I... I don't know." She slowly rose to her feet and began pacing in front of Julie's desk. "I mean, I guess I never thought about it before."

Julie balked at this. "How could you not? You've seen the way he looks at you, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I just... I don't know. I guess I figured since he's so young--"

"Weren't you the one that said Ryan has an 'old soul' or something? Sure he's young, but you know that he's mature enough where he'd be able to think about something like that and _not_ start hyperventilating."

"True..."

"Look, bottom line is... _if_ he was ever to ask, you need to follow your instincts. You know that, right?"

"Right."

"So?" Julie got up and went around the desk to stand in front of her best friend, gripping her hands to gain her attention. "Let's role play for a sec. I'll be Ryan." Julie cleared her throat and seemed to be getting into character. "Kirsten..."

Kirsten rolled her eyes. "Yes?"

Julie gripped her hands a little tighter and dramatically declared, "I'll never love another woman as much as I love you, and I want you to be my wife! What do you say?"

"Do... you two want to be alone?"

Both women jumped, turning to see Ryan in the doorway, knuckles against the doorframe as if he'd been ready to knock. His eyebrows were raised and his eyes were wide. Kirsten immediately started to laugh and shoved Julie away.

"Sorry, Ryan." Julie turned red and Kirsten rather enjoyed the rare sight. "We were just... we were..."

He held up his hand. "Don't explain. Please." He looked to Kirsten next. "Can I borrow you for a second?"

Kirsten, her stomach somersaulting from the ideas Julie had planted in her head, mutely followed Ryan out with a nod.

Once out in the hallway, he pulled her aside to tell her, "It's done."

Kirsten, always right there tuned into him, knew insantly what he meant -- the house. "It is? What does it look like?"

"I'd rather show you, if you've got some free time," he grinned. Kirsten was unable to resist.

* * *

The entire ride to Ryan's new house, Kirsten felt like an anxious little girl. She was practically bouncing in her seat. Ryan laughed at her from the driver's seat. "Is it possible that you're more excited about this than I am?"

"Possibly!" She whacked his arm joyously. "I'm just excited to see how it turned out, and I wanna see what those last minute changes of yours were since you wouldn't tell me." She was only halfway irritated.

Ryan chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah, I know, I'm such a bastard."

The new house had been built just six blocks away from where she used to live with Sandy. It wasn't as large as that house had been, but it was by no means small, either. She was in awe right from the first moment she stepped out of the truck. "Ryan, it's beautiful!"

The house had a distinctly California style, with stucco walls and Mexican tile on the roof. Ryan took her hand and led her inside. "Ready to see those last-minute changes?"

"Am I ever!"

With a laugh, Ryan unlocked the front door and swung it open -- then, before Kirsten could take so much as a step, he darted behind her and covered her eyes with one hand, taking her free hand with the other. "I'll tell you when you can look."

Kirsten giggled. "I love that you're such a geek sometimes."

Ryan kissed her cheek. "_I'm_ a geek? Who was bouncing in their seat all the way here?"

She rolled her eyes from behind his hand. "Fine, fine, we're both a little geeky."

She felt his grin without seeing it. "A perfect match. Come on." Carefully, he led her inside, telling her when to step down, step up, turn to the right or left. All around her, Kirsten smelled the scents of a brand new home. New carpet, new tile -- even the woodwork still smelled new. "God, I love this place already and I can't even see it."

"Well here." His hand lifted off her eyes. "Have a look."

Kirsten gasped at the beauty before her -- cherry-finished woodwork and high-arched doorways met her eyes. When Ryan whispered, "Look up," in her ear, she trailed her eyes up to the--

"Vaulted ceilings!" she gasped. She threw her arms around Ryan. "You did vaulted ceilings! That was the secret last-minute change?"

Ryan laughed and caught her in his arms, holding her tight. "Yeah. What can I say? You turned me into a vaulted-ceiling lover."

"It's gorgeous, Ryan! Is this the living room that we're standing in?" She pulled away but hung on to his hand.

He swung their clasped hands lightly. "It definitely can be, yes. And this way to the kitchen..." He led her by the hand to the kitchen and told her, "there was another last-minute change I thought you'd like, but it's not nearly as exciting as the ceilings."

Kirsten laughed and glanced around. The sink, dishwasher and refrigerator were a gorgeous stainless steel; the countertops were a lovely grey-and-black-speckled granite. And then she saw the stove. She grinned. "Spider burners!"

"Yeah. I heard you mention a few times how classy they always look, so I thought -- why not?"

"Oh, I love this. It's gorgeous." She laughed. "Jeez, you're making me jealous. _I_ want to live here, now."

She turned to smile at Ryan and found his eyes centered on her, expression serious. He searched her eyes. "Good, because... I was actually kind of hoping you'd move here with me."

"What?" Kirsten searched his eyes right back as he led her down the hall, toward what was most likely the bedroom. She wasn't even completely aware of what was going on around her -- her mind was still focused on what he'd said to her. "As, like, your live-in girlfriend?"

"Well, I'm going to leave that up to you, Kirsten." He turned off the fan which was gently spinning above them, and Kirsten noticed the long string dangling from it.

She watched it go round and round until the fan finally slowed to a stop. Ryan remained in the doorway and watched her walk over to it as he told her, "You could either move in with me as my live-in girlfriend... or as my fiancee."

When Kirsten saw what was tied to the end of the string, she gasped. "Ryan..."

A princess-cut diamond engagement ring on a platinum band, dangled enticingly in front of her. She reached out toward it carefully, as if touching it would make it disappear, and she untied it, letting it fall into her open palm.

She felt Ryan step up to her, and she looked up at him in a mix of wonder and confusion as he gently plucked the ring out of her palm and held it up between his thumb and forefinger. "I told you six months ago that we could move as slowly or as quickly as you'd like. And that decision is still all yours, but I wanted you to see this ring so you know..." He met her eyes. "I want to marry you, Kirsten. I'm completely in love with you -- I was shortly after we met, and I've known without a doubt for some time now that we're going to end up together no matter what."

Tears filled Kirsten's eyes without her conscious consent and she stepped closer to Ryan. As if reading her thoughts, reading her need for closeness, he placed one arm around her waist while still holding the ring in his other hand. "Kirsten, if you say no to me today," he shook his head, "that's not the end of us. Not by a long shot. If you say no, I'll hang on to the ring and ask you again sometime... and I'll keep asking until the time is right for you."

Her tears were streaming down her cheeks now and when Ryan released her to drop to one knee, her heart almost burst.

"So Kirsten... will you marry me?"

Her mouth moved instinctively, "Yes." Then, that tiny little word sunk in, and she watched Ryan beaming up at her. She grinned tearfully. "Yes." When she felt that ring sliding up her finger, a perfect fit, and when Ryan wrapped his arms around her joyously, she couldn't help but exclaim, "Yes!"

Ryan laughed and spun her around, then set her down on her feet again only to swoop in and kiss her. Kirsten clung tight to him and threaded her fingers through his hair, smiling against his lips. When they pulled back, Kirsten held her left hand away from herself, fingers flexed toward the ceiling as she watched the ring sparkle. Her other arm was still around Ryan's shoulders, and Ryan's arms were around her waist. She felt him watching her and she turned to see his eyes dancing with mirth, though his mouth was still set in solemn expression.

Blue searched blue as he softly murmured, "I didn't think you'd ever want to get married again."

Kirsten turned her eyes to the ring, one corner of her lips twitching upward slightly. "Neither did I."

"What changed your mind?"

She searched his eyes in return, smiling slowly. "Your eyes."

His eyebrow arched, and she giggled. "My eyes?"

"That look in your eyes, when you look at me. I've always kind of known in the back of my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life seeing that look in your eyes."

Kirsten watched in adoration as a slow, brilliant smile spread across his face; she'd never seen him so happy. She couldn't help but laugh and kiss him again, in the bedroom of their brand new house.

* * *

TBC 


	11. Epilogue

TITLE: The Second Time Around  
EPILOGUE

* * *

It was something straight out of a fairytale. The sun was shining high in the cloudless blue sky, and a bluebird passed by overhead as the strains of one violin, playing a beautiful high note, resonated through the air. It was picturesque, it was serene, it was the stuff dreams were made of. Or, in Julie's words...

"God, this whole thing's so perfect I could just throw up."

Kirsten smirked over her shoulder at her friend, who was making one last fix to her short train. "Thanks, Julie." Another violin joined with the first in the intro to her wedding song.

Kirsten turned back to face the mirror in the bridal tent, admiring her hair; the top layers had been swept back and twisted into a bun, with the ends fanned out around the bun, curled toward it. The bottom layers laid past her shoulders in large curls, and rather than wearing a veil, Kirsten placed baby's breath in her hair where it was pulled back.

"Kirsten, you look so beautiful," Julie gushed. "I can't even stand it." A third violin joined the other two, and soon a string bass signaled the start of the familiar melody. "And I can't believe your dad actually hired a string quartet to play your guys' song."

Kirsten just smiled and smoothed her hands over her dress. It was a simple creme satin, strapless with a fitted waist. Over it she wore a creme lace bolero, with thin vines embroidered within the lace. She wore just a hint of makeup, no lipstick -- and Julie had mentioned she had no need for blush -- today she was a beautiful, blushing bride. The blushing bride she never thought she'd want to be again. She never thought she'd want to get married again. But she had never counted on meeting someone like Ryan, on being loved by someone like him.

They planned a small, but elegant outdoor ceremony and reception, and her father had surprised them both with a famous string quartet playing 'their' song during the processional.

"Oh, I see Ryan at the altar," Julie commented, peeking out of the bridal tent.

Kirsten's stomach somersaulted in the most pleasant way, and she smiled. "Does he look nervous?"

Julie chuckled. "Not in the slightest. That's a good thing, Kirs. You guys have nothing to be nervous about, anyway."

Strains of the wedding song kept filtering in, now at the second chorus. That was when Caleb poked his head into the tent. "Kiki? It's time."

Butterflies were mingling in the hedges that hid the bridal tent, and butterflies were mingling in Kirsten's stomach. But she was not afraid, nor was she nervous. Just like much of the past few months, she felt completely relaxed. "Okay, Dad."

Kirsten took her bouquet of white cala lilies from Julie and smiled; they leaned in to kiss each other on the cheek and Julie patted her friend's shoulder. "I'm so happy for you, Kirsten."

Kirsten hugged her in return. "Thanks, Julie." Next, she went to meet her father just outside the bridal tent, where he walked her toward the white-washed, vine-and-lace-laden archway that Ryan had built for the wedding. The hedges kept her from Ryan's view, but she could feel his smile. Her father caught this and winked at her. "Are you ready?"

Kirsten had an inkling to say that she was ready for a second try. But she had vowed to herself to push all thoughts of her past marriage aside. That was her practice run at true love, as she now liked to think of it; this was the real thing. She nodded, "I'm ready," and looped her arm through her father's. They stepped under the archway just as the violins swelled and the high-sailing notes of one violin played where the descants would be.

They started walking down the aisle and all the wedding guests, in white-washed wooden chairs, stood to watch her. But Kirsten noticed none of them, her eyes fixated on Ryan. The smile on his face, the awe and wonder, was practically knee-buckling in its intensity. Kirsten had to fight to keep her emotions in check. At the end of the aisle as the music started to soften, she smiled when her father kissed her cheek and handed her off to Ryan.

Then, Ryan took her hand, gave her one of those devastatingly-gorgeous Atwood smiles, and helped her up the steps to the altar. Kirsten just barely heard the string quartet end the song... just barely heard the minister's opening lines above the sound of her own heartbeat as she watched Ryan smile at her.

* * *

"I'm beat."

Kirsten heard Ryan chuckle, felt it vibrate against her chest while they danced close. "It's not even nine o'clock," he teased her.

"I know, but it's been such a huge, adrenaline-filled day already."

Ryan pressed his cheek to hers and continued turning them in slow circles, in time with their song, flowing from the speakers. "I know," he murmured, and pressed her a little closer. "You wanna take a nap under the head table?"

Kirsten laughed, and pulled back to kiss him, framing his face with her hands while his found her waist. "I probably should. It would give me energy for tonight." She arched an eyebrow at him.

He arched one right back. "I think you'll really like where we're staying. It's got a gorgeous little ocean-front verandah, a beautiful beach--"

She laid her finger over his lips and shook her head. "I don't care. As long as you're there, it doesn't matter."

"Wow," he breathed, and then grinned. "That was really cheesy. How embarrassing for you."

Kirsten couldn't help but laugh and slug him in the shoulder playfully. "You are going to get it," she threatened.

"God, I hope so." He pulled her close, and she felt his smirk against her ear. "Over, and over, and over again."

She sighed and pulled back, adoring the boyish grin on his face. "What am I going to do with you?"

He shrugged, and pressed a kiss to her lips. "Whatever you'd like."

Her head lolled back as she laughed joyously, kissing him again. His hand on the small of her back pressed her closer, and she gently broke from his lips, murmuring, "I think you'll like my bedtime attire for tonight."

"Really?"

Kirsten nodded slowly. "Julie helped me pick it out."

"Oh then it's definitely going to be naughty," he surmised with a grin.

She giggled. "You just wait."

"I can't." He kissed her slowly, passionately though still mindful of everyone watching them dance. When he pulled away he asked, "Think it's too early to duck out unnoticed?"

"Yeah," Kirsten chuckled, "I'm afraid so."

They continued to dance in slow circles, enjoying the closeness and the warm glow of the small artificial lights overhead, blanketing the dance floor like hundreds of tiny fireflies. After a few moments went by, Ryan broke the silence. "You know Julie's already bugging me about when we're having kids."

"Me too," Kirsten smiled. "I think she forgets how old I am."

"But it's like I said at the beginning... it's all about how old you feel."

"Well that's good."

"And don't worry, I bought us a little time where Julie's concerned. I just keep telling her 'soon.'"

"Me too." Kirsten exhaled a smile and pulled back slightly to meet his eyes. She searched them, admired the beautiful crystal-clear blue of them, as she softly added, "Maybe sooner than she thinks."

Their dancing faltered for only a split-second as that information registered with him; then he silently searched her eyes, back and forth, his own asking the question.

Kirsten just smiled slowly and stretched up to kiss Ryan -- her husband, her one true love -- one more time.

* * *

FIN

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Sorry it took so long to get this final part posted, guys! I thought I had finished posting until I started seeing Story Alert notices for this fic pop up in my inbox, lol. Hope you enjoyed! And the song referenced here in this chapter, their wedding song, is of course "With or Without You" originally done by U2 -- the instrumental version mentioned is by The Vitamin String Quartet. I suggest a download; it's gorgeous! 


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